RECENTLY:   
Lobster Spawning Brigade Accidentally Descends On Amherst   .:.   
Rising Dissasociex Prices Linked to Midterms   .:.   
"Cigarette Jousting" -- A Danger To Our Youth   .:.   
Hoards of Stolen Personal Diaries Found in Tent in Forest   .:.   
Teenager Looses Tooth Cigarette Jousting   .:.   
Noise Moth Infestation in UMass Dormitory   .:.   
Obituary: The Gulled One Has Pecked the Bucket   .:.   
Micro-economists Combine Energy to Form Single Macro-economist   .:.   
A Letter to a Friend Tossed in The Wind.?.   .:.   
Truck Breeding Season Returns After 100 Year Absence   .:.   
Words Discover How To Make Love   .:.   
Al Humbleton To Teleport into Realm of Ideas   .:.   
Downtown Disappearances: Possible Cryptid at Large   .:.   
Hair Anywhere Spray Now in Rainbow Colors!   .:.   
Fortune Cookies Throw Insults   .:.   
The Pentagon Loses Edge, Becomes Square   .:.   
Wanted: Time Machine   .:.   
Surreal Paraguay   .:.   
Honor to The Search   .:.   
Riddles By Eyebrows   .:.   
I Hereby Endorse Whorf's Cactus Balm   .:.   
Whorf's Cactus Balm: A Cure For Degeneracy   .:.   
A New Stage of The Problem of The Upper Half Of The Man Cut into Two By A Window   .:.   

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Lobster Spawning Brigade Accidentally Descends On Amherst

November 21, 2018 Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel,
Surreal Times Reporter

“Well, I think I speak for the entire Brigade when I say we’re both embarrassed and frustrated,” said Head Lobsterman Jim Grady to the Times on Wednesday.... [Continued]...

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  • #lobster-spawning-brigade
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Rising Dissasociex Prices Linked to Midterms

November 15, 2018 The Purple Hermit,
Surreal Times Reporter

Ipsum Pharmaceuticals has come under fire recently for an increase in the retail price of their most popular product, Disassociex. The drug temporarily alters memory and personality traits, essentially creating a different person who inhabits your body before fading away an hour later. Disassociex has become increasing... [Continued]...

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  • #dissasociex
  • ♥ 4
  • ▩ 1

"Cigarette Jousting" -- A Danger To Our Youth

November 13, 2018 Rebecca Winston,
Amherst Parent Association

A new "game" is spreading like wild fire across parties around our kids’ college campuses, and in some cases high schools. It is ugly, self-destructive, and frankly, stupid. The kids call it “cigarette-jousting”.... [Continued]...

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  • #cigarette-jousting
  • ♥ 2
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Hoards of Stolen Personal Diaries Found in Tent in Forest

Thief remains at large

October 24, 2018 Clarence Mon,
Director of the PIA

The PIA discovered a stash of 1,203 personal journals inside of a covertly-positioned tent on UMass campus. Investigators found these beholders of personal secrets scattered among Dominoes pizza boxes, throw-away cameras, and a master notebook which appeared to keep notes on the contents of the other notebooks. As well... [Continued]...

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  • ♥ 5
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  • Previous Page
  • Next Page

Teenager Looses Tooth Cigarette Jousting

November 19, 2018

Noise Moth Infestation in UMass Dormitory

November 16, 2018

Obituary: The Gulled One Has Pecked the Bucket

November 16, 2018

Micro-economists Combine Energy to Form Single Macro-economist

October 31, 2018

A Letter to a Friend Tossed in The Wind.?.

October 29, 2018

Truck Breeding Season Returns After 100 Year Absence

October 28, 2018

Words Discover How To Make Love

October 28, 2018
  • Al Humbleton To Teleport into Realm of Ideas

    November 20, 2018
  • Downtown Disappearances: Possible Cryptid at Large

    November 19, 2018
  • Hair Anywhere Spray Now in Rainbow Colors!

    November 18, 2018
  • Fortune Cookies Throw Insults

    November 18, 2018
  • The Pentagon Loses Edge, Becomes Square

    November 15, 2018
  • Wanted: Time Machine

    November 14, 2018
  • Surreal Paraguay

    November 5, 2018
  • Honor to The Search

    November 5, 2018
  • Riddles By Eyebrows

    November 5, 2018
  • I Hereby Endorse Whorf's Cactus Balm

    October 28, 2018
  • Whorf's Cactus Balm: A Cure For Degeneracy

    October 28, 2018
  • A New Stage of The Problem of The Upper Half Of The Man Cut into Two By A Window

    October 25, 2018

About

In these surreal times, a newspaper is required to document the history currently unfolding. Four doctors of journalism have dedicated themselves to unearthing the truth that lies somewhere beneath the crust of what was formerly perceived. What they and their colleagues discover is conveyed in these stories.

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