In Amherst, profound individuals live alongside common folk, doing common things, holding common sentiments and dressing in common attire. The nature of our community is to treat these people normally and let them live happy lives away from their status, fame, and whatever other hullabaloo that may burden them.... [Continued]...
Succeeding the "three-second frequency", which temporarily cures H-33 induced surreality symptoms, and the "seven-second frequency", which permanently cures symptoms, the Surreal Five have adopted a "thirteen-second frequency" capable of permanently inducing surreality.... [Continued]...
What follows is a joint, signed statement speaking for all five members of the Surreal Five.... [Continued]...
The Times now sadly reports the poisoning of five UMass Amherst students with the chemical H-33. On Sunday, the students were exposed to the chemical H-33 via a small puddle spread over a table in Herter Hall. The source of the chemical is unknown, but Surreal Times investigative reporter Joe Kierlskegrienger is on its... [Continued]...
In these surreal times, a newspaper is required to document the history currently unfolding. Four doctors of journalism have dedicated themselves to unearthing the truth that lies somewhere beneath the crust of what was formerly perceived. What they and their colleagues discover is conveyed in these stories.
