RECENTLY:   
Chimp Joe Leaves Jail Under Care of Lover   .:.   
Serum to Counter Hair Anywhere Spray   .:.   
The Process Complete: R. Bottleby Gains Vague Telepathic Foresight   .:.   
Chimp Joe Found in Midst of Noise Moth Binge   .:.   
Castle About Which World Rotates: dweller unsatisfied, unable to paint or escape   .:.   
Bill "Nerb" Elsasser to Sue Town For Killing Flowers   .:.   
Hair Anywhere Spray Serum Is Successful, Town Plagued by Baldness   .:.   
Psychoactive Noise Moths Do Not Affect Humans   .:.   
Peripheral Intelligence Agency Opens A New Office In NYC   .:.   
Pleasant Surprises Rise From The Roads of New York City   .:.   
Response to "Sinners in The Hands of The Fake Sun"   .:.   
We Have Been Given Quandaries   .:.   
Tabletalk Cries   .:.   
Man Boasts Castle About Which World Rotates   .:.   
Senior Hoff Ricko No-Wicko: "YOU ARE ON NOTICE, SURREAL TIMES"   .:.   
Liquid Spewing from Hotel is No Longer Intelligence Boosting   .:.   
Mullen: "You'll Get What You Want"   .:.   
Accountant Missing: Have you seen Sally Gomez?   .:.   
Rogue Woman Returns: "The Deadly Touch Tarantula   .:.   
Mound of Mixed Greens Appears in Cemetery    .:.   
Alfred Humbleton Repairing the Spectacular Isomorphism from Within The Realm of Ideas   .:.   
Join Our Cause   .:.   
Senior Hoff Dazzle-Razzle Magoogoo Forced Out of The Tree Folk   .:.   
Letter to the Editor: Who is Dorf?   .:.   
Whole Grain Bread Numbers Rising   .:.   
"Carousel of Unending Happiness" Coming This Spring   .:.   

Serum to Counter Hair Anywhere Spray

Distribution Teams Mobilized

Tom Johnson,
Sergeant, UMass PD

By complete surprise, a cure for Hair Anywhere Hair has emerged out of the Stockbridge School of Agriculture. It was synthesized in collaboration with Amherst Barbershop. Some individuals at the town committee advocated for comprehensive testing before use. But, in desperation, the board of Amherst opted to kick-start ... [Continued]...

The Process Complete: R. Bottleby Gains Vague Telepathic Foresight

Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel,
Surreal Times Reporter

On February 2, 2017, the Surreal Times reported on the <b>Process Too Complicated To Explain</b>, or P2CE (see <a href="https://surrealtimes.net/article/experiments-that-you-should-probably-know-about--2017-02-2" target="_blank">“Experiments that you Should Probably Know About”</a> on surrealtimes.net). Working on ... [Continued]...