| Date Published |
Title |
Author(s) |
| December 12, 2021 |
What I learned from trading my penis for a VHS copy of "Willow" starring Warwick Davis (Now on Redbox!) | Hank T. Joseph |
| December 12, 2021 |
A Dimension inside a Disco Ball | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
>Man Obscured By Tuba | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
Holyman Summons A Party | Dernberger Spengleton |
| August 23, 2021 |
Turtle's Dreams | The Editors |
| July 18, 2021 |
Woman Steps Out Of The Woods And Changes A Life Forever | Vivian Mauve |
| July 18, 2021 |
Talking To Your Child About The Worker Elves That Live In Your Body | Lucy Bugle |
| July 18, 2021 |
Contagious Hiccupers Required To Glue Kazzoos To Faces | Carl Mon |
| July 18, 2021 |
Soldiers Required To Communicate Over Connection-based Protocol Tcp | Carl Mon |
| April 9, 2021 |
Surreal Times Aquired By The Argonaut | The Editors |
| April 9, 2021 |
Sister Spirits In Old Churchyard? | Finnick Lightfoot |
| April 9, 2021 |
Opinion: Free The Oil, Help It To Freedom | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 12, 2021 |
The Octopus Saga: How I Ate A Live Octopus And Formed A Bond With It | Paul Kruger |
| February 20, 2021 |
Ricky Amadour: Artist, Designer, Musician - THE NEWEST CANDIDATE IN OUR BRAIN EATER PROGRAM | Zed Murky |
| February 9, 2021 |
University Of California To Introduce Spiritual Evaluation To Admission Process | Nicholas M. Sennott |
| February 9, 2021 |
Rates Of Self-immolation Skyrocket As Melon-man Hands Out Her Last Free Melon. | Micheal O’Really |
| February 9, 2021 |
Ufos Spark Momentary Cult | Carl Mon |
| December 13, 2020 |
Notice: You May Be Entitled to Money | Anonymous |
| December 13, 2020 |
Cosmic Ju-jitsu Tournament With A Dramatic Finish | Tommy Potentuary |
| October 28, 2020 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| October 28, 2020 |
New Hairstyle Taking over Paquaint Areas | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 28, 2020 |
Interview With Belinda Burger, The "Googly Eyes" Artist | The Mysterious M |
| October 28, 2020 |
Spiders As An Alternative To Music | Common Observer |
| September 23, 2020 |
Drunk Hotline Available Now | Tommy Potentuary |
| August 16, 2020 |
Alan Partridge Returns With Advice | Alan Partridge |
| May 17, 2020 |
Wife Dressed Up As Stray Anteater Surprised as Husband Shows Potential for Pet Care | Maaye Pujhol |
| May 7, 2020 |
Genetics For Hire | Doctor Rotcod |
| May 5, 2020 |
How "Toxic" By Britney Spears Saved Humankind From Destruction | Flip Gilligan |
| February 29, 2020 |
Rest In Peace With Ripper Linda | Ripper Linda |
| February 29, 2020 |
Horror Film Critics Putting Masked Maniacs Out Of Work | Hockey Face |
| January 25, 2020 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| January 25, 2020 |
60 More Star Wars Films Planned For Release By 2030 | Martin “Marty” Kovacs |
| December 6, 2019 |
Is Happy Greens Vegetable Farm An Insidious Cult? | Ludwig Andre Hogan |
| December 6, 2019 |
Learn To Lucid Dream | Cro Raka |
| December 6, 2019 |
Review Of Maplewood 5 | Vivian Mauve and Dernernberger Spengleton |
| December 6, 2019 |
Culture Corner: Fiddler On The Roof Opens This Thursday | Ridley Stump |
| November 2, 2019 |
I Almost Joined A Cult And Was Glad About It | V. Mauve and Sebastian Pingas |
| November 2, 2019 |
Blue Alien Petting Zoo Coming To Amherst | Charlie Tomquat |
| November 2, 2019 |
Hypercube Confessions And The Future | Dernberger Spengleton |
| November 2, 2019 |
Demand: Show Me The Face Of Wisdom | Hank T. Joseph |
| November 1, 2019 |
Dear Jupiter: My Boyfriend Turned Me Into a Vampire And Dumped Me | Jupiter |
| October 5, 2019 |
Writer Glitches STD Ray Gun | Ned Greebly |
| October 4, 2019 |
The Film Critic's Homunculus | Ryan Cameron |
| October 4, 2019 |
DJ Gooba To Play at Alien Market | Tommy Potentuary |
| October 3, 2019 |
Letter From The Foreign Dreams Correspondent | Alan Partridge |
| October 3, 2019 |
A Short Treatise on Insects and Loneliness | Cro Raka |
| June 17, 2019 |
Sunderland Mound Growing | Sherry Wolverton |
| June 17, 2019 |
Top 13 Ball Moments | Sherry Wolverton |
| May 21, 2019 |
Ant Coordinator Resigns Post | Clarence Mon |
| May 21, 2019 |
Occultist Ball Graveyard Growing Rapidly | Sherry Wolverton |
| May 21, 2019 |
Group of Mistreated Plants Attack Herb Gardens, Flower Beds | The Purple Hermit |
| April 16, 2019 |
Need For Charles: Darling Haunted in Cali | Hank T. Joseph |
| April 16, 2019 |
Interview With NASA Computer Scientist | The Purple Hermit |
| April 14, 2019 |
Deluxe Papa Vape Pods Hit Stores | Roberto Piccolo |
| March 14, 2019 |
Genius Offers Secrets | BoobnBob |
| February 21, 2019 |
A Secret Feast in Argentina | Cro Raka |
| February 16, 2019 |
Take The Vow Of Loudness | Norman E. Constanza |
| January 24, 2019 |
Castle About Which World Rotates: dweller unsatisfied, unable to paint or escape | Dernberger Spengleton |
| January 17, 2019 |
Serum to Counter Hair Anywhere Spray | Tom Johnson |
| January 9, 2019 |
We Have Been Given Quandaries | Tevobet Nope |
| December 16, 2018 |
Sinners in The Hands of A Fake Sun | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| November 26, 2018 |
The Monks Speak: The Mysterious Man | Roberto Piccolo |
| November 26, 2018 |
New Theory Appears in Nazca | Cro Raka |
| November 26, 2018 |
Honors College Begins Mushroom Operation On Finely-Shredded Hopes and Dreams | The Purple Hermit |
| November 22, 2018 |
Hair Anywhere Graffiti Scoundrels Run Rampant | Tom Johnson |
| November 21, 2018 |
Lobster Spawning Brigade Accidentally Descends On Amherst | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| November 16, 2018 |
Noise Moth Infestation in UMass Dormitory | William (Bill) Gumby |
| October 25, 2018 |
A New Stage of The Problem of The Upper Half Of The Man Cut into Two By A Window | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 20, 2018 |
Scale Replica of Amherst Discovered Miles Under Amherst | The Purple Hermit |
| October 4, 2018 |
Beloved Surreal Times Reporter Zulu Z. Zulu Wanted Dead or Alive | Giles Squin |
| September 29, 2018 |
Who Exposed the Surreal Five to H-33? | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| September 25, 2018 |
An Overview of Surreality, Surreality Exposure, and Hyper-Mundanity | The Editors |
| August 27, 2018 |
The Spot Movie Lands Big Movie in Hot Water Following Alleged Copycat Crimes | Steve Hackwood |
| August 5, 2018 |
AN ACCOUNT OF: A MAN CUT IN TWO BY A WINDOW | Dernberger Spengleton |
| August 2, 2018 |
Hope of Interplanetary Cordiality Extinguished | Ron Gutterston |
| July 30, 2018 |
April 29th Special Broadcast | Times Staff |
| July 21, 2018 |
Escaped Roosters Wreak Havoc Downtown | Tom Johnson |
| July 1, 2018 |
Terrible Assault on General Consciousness | Tiggy Sintrupuli |
| May 30, 2018 |
Outlaw Killed Or Not | Megunticook Stevens |
| May 30, 2018 |
Newspaper Spawns Subsidiary Adventure Capital Firm | The Editors |
| April 19, 2018 |
An Update From Inside The Old Chapel Dome | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
| April 19, 2018 |
A Note From The Police: Individuals Saturating Rotaries... | Tom Johnson |
| April 19, 2018 |
Writer Criticism | Phantom Framer |
| March 28, 2018 |
Writing Competition Finished! Winners announced! | Dr. Dan Nibbler |
| March 15, 2018 |
Upcoming Event: Art Takes on Art | Loomis Taunch |
| March 15, 2018 |
The Balloon: Part 2 | Old Souls Anonymous |
| March 11, 2018 |
Head of Atonal Music Appreciation Club Silently Outed | Common Observer |
| March 3, 2018 |
THE DEATH OF SURREALITY: PART TWO OF THREE | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| February 20, 2018 |
Interesting Trend Spreads Across South America | Cro Raka |
| February 20, 2018 |
Norwottuck Rail Trail to be Extended | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 14, 2018 |
THE DEATH OF SURREALITY: PART ONE OF THREE | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| January 16, 2018 |
MONSTROSITY APPROACHING | Clarence Mon |
| December 23, 2017 |
A PICKLE TO THE PREFRONTAL | Wes Sizemore |
| November 11, 2017 |
University Holds Degree Buyback Program | Wes Sizemore |
| September 7, 2017 |
Earthwater Entities Mount Escape to Calm | Alfred Humbleton |
| August 10, 2017 |
Hungry Parakeet Scandal | Common Observer |
| July 27, 2017 |
U.S. Scientists Edit Embryo DNA | Professor Burgowittz |
| March 2, 2017 |
Tsunami Hits Western Mass | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 24, 2017 |
Dr. John and Charles Neville to bring New Orleans to Northampton | Doctor Goldstein |
| February 2, 2017 |
The Man in the Nest | Doctor Goldstein |
| February 2, 2017 |
BURGOWITTZ FOOLISH, UNWISE | Jameson Eldar |
| February 2, 2017 |
Board of selectmen vote down dinosaur proposal | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 1, 2017 |
NERB SPEAKS | Common Observer |