Date Published |
Title |
Author(s) |
December 12, 2021 |
Power outage causes slow motion | Tom Johnson |
December 12, 2021 |
Introduction of Vacuum Tube Transport on UMass Campus | Ophelia Jones |
December 12, 2021 |
Free Will Fridays | Tom Johnson |
August 23, 2021 |
Monkey Tilt Laws | Tom Johnson |
July 18, 2021 |
Save the UMass Scifi Club | The Editors |
July 18, 2021 |
Furry Feminism Revitalizes Hair Anywherespray | Pleakley Pow Pow |
May 29, 2021 |
Hiccupper Quarantine Camps | Carl Mon |
February 8, 2021 |
Dentist Starves After Robot Teeth Steal Food | Tom Johnson |
February 8, 2021 |
Woman Overdoses On Helium | Tom Johnson |
December 13, 2020 |
Oroxtaclüve Sighting Downtown Amherst, Collateral Damage | Carl Mon |
September 23, 2020 |
Exciting Performance At Exhibit to be Unveiled | Vivian Mauve |
April 23, 2020 |
Invasive Tree Grows Writhing Rats | Tom Johnson |
February 29, 2020 |
My First Line Training Experience | Dernberger Spengleton |
February 29, 2020 |
An Unsolved Case: Hand Disembodiment On The Charles | Tom Johnson |
January 25, 2020 |
Sewer Snorts Make Downtown A Minefield | Common Observer |
December 6, 2019 |
Elites Hoard Hair Anywhere Spray | Whaler S. Fishpole |
December 6, 2019 |
Designer Birth Control Not Safe | Tom Johnson |
December 6, 2019 |
Rabbit Hole Traps Halt Safety | Tom Johnson |
December 6, 2019 |
Collegian Did Not Start Newsbox Fires | Tom Johnson |
December 6, 2019 |
Inanimate Empathist Breaking And Entering | Tom Johnson |
November 2, 2019 |
I Almost Joined A Cult And Was Glad About It | V. Mauve and Sebastian Pingas |
November 2, 2019 |
Hippies Vandalize Stone Motorhome | Tom Johnson |
November 2, 2019 |
Hypercube Confessions And The Future | Dernberger Spengleton |
November 2, 2019 |
Ant Coordinator Is Criminal, Police Do Nothing | Carl Mon |
October 5, 2019 |
Reality Supremacists Go Violent | Carl Mon |
October 3, 2019 |
Larping Kids Cause a Ruckus | Tom Johnson |
October 3, 2019 |
PSA To Wet Robot Canoodlers | Tom Johnson |
June 17, 2019 |
Blue Wall: Blown to Bits | Rio Calais |
June 17, 2019 |
Chimp Joe Safe at Alien Commune | Ron Gutterston |
June 17, 2019 |
Head of PIA Hotdogged | Carl Mon |
June 17, 2019 |
Logs of Earl Bristol Goddard Published | The Purple Hermit |
June 16, 2019 |
Account: Victim of Crows | Tom Johnson |
June 16, 2019 |
Death By Halal | Tom Johnson |
May 21, 2019 |
Novelty Vandals Reconfigure West Cemetery | Clarence Mon |
May 21, 2019 |
Hot Dog Pranks Legal But Not Okay | Tom Johnson |
May 16, 2019 |
CALIFORNIA SOCK PUPPET MAN ESCAPES SECRET FACILITY | Sax Tuba |
May 14, 2019 |
Metal Tree Erected Atop Mountain | Clarence Mon |
May 13, 2019 |
The Mechanical Fellow Saves Us From The Noise Moths Crisis | Tommy Potentuary |
April 16, 2019 |
Hooded Woman Dies in Butterfield Dorm | Tom Johnson |
April 16, 2019 |
Tree-climbing Student Attacked By Spear | Tom Johnson |
April 16, 2019 |
Dorf Deported After Altercations With Serr-Vo and The Mechanical Fellow | Ron Gutterston |
March 24, 2019 |
Journalist's Life Partner Goes Missing | Tom Johnson |
March 14, 2019 |
SGA Elections Delayed By Collective Burp | Common Observer |
March 13, 2019 |
Ipsum Communications Satellite Aims Radar at 4th Moon of Jupiter | The Purple Hermit |
March 12, 2019 |
Destroyer of Blimp Going to Jail | Tom Johnson |
March 11, 2019 |
Profile: The Student Farm's Newest Caretaker | The Purple Hermit |
March 11, 2019 |
Doorstep Toddlers Stealing Data | Tom Johnson |
March 7, 2019 |
Burp Rumbles Across Town | Clarence Mon |
February 26, 2019 |
The Fall of The Former Martian Ambassador | The Purple Hermit |
February 22, 2019 |
Local Student Finally Escapes Infinitely Looping Hallway, Angry He Missed Winter Break | Sax Tuba |
February 20, 2019 |
Geese Departure Pushed Back Again | Leila |
February 19, 2019 |
Obituary: The Last Pale Duck | The Editors |
February 18, 2019 |
Man In Castle Rejects Tour | Dernberger Spengleton |
February 16, 2019 |
Archeological Records Suggest UMass Amherst is An Eternal Constant | The Purple Hermit |
February 16, 2019 |
Plane Destroys Blimp, Deadly Tabun Needles Rain Upon Civilians | Tom Johnson |
January 28, 2019 |
Rogue Woman Returns: "The Deadly Touch Tarantula | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
January 23, 2019 |
Chimp Joe Leaves Jail Under Care of Lover | Clarence Mon |
January 17, 2019 |
Serum to Counter Hair Anywhere Spray | Tom Johnson |
January 17, 2019 |
Mound of Mixed Greens Appears in Cemetery | Clarence Mon |
December 30, 2018 |
Chimp Joe Found in Midst of Noise Moth Binge | Tom Johnson |
December 27, 2018 |
Hair Anywhere Spray Banned Across the Pioneer Valley | Tom Johnson |
December 18, 2018 |
Butterfield Hall Uninhabitable Due To Noise Moth Infestation | William (Bill) Gumby |
December 18, 2018 |
The Great Terrifier Returns to Campus | Cecelia Ceiling-Sealant |
December 18, 2018 |
Chimpanzee Joe Missing | Tom Johnson |
December 11, 2018 |
My Visit With The Fugitive | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
December 10, 2018 |
Landscaping Companies On Call For Hair Anywhere Spray Emergencies | Tom Johnson |
November 30, 2018 |
Profile: The 'Overseer' Speaks Out On Isenberg Incident | The Purple Hermit |
November 22, 2018 |
Hair Anywhere Graffiti Scoundrels Run Rampant | Tom Johnson |
November 18, 2018 |
Hair Anywhere Spray Now in Rainbow Colors! | Tommy Potentuary |
November 18, 2018 |
Fortune Cookies Throw Insults | Tom Johnson |
November 16, 2018 |
Noise Moth Infestation in UMass Dormitory | William (Bill) Gumby |
October 24, 2018 |
Hoards of Stolen Personal Diaries Found in Tent in Forest | Clarence Mon |
October 21, 2018 |
Hair Anywhere Spray Now in Stores | Tommy Potentuary |
October 20, 2018 |
Scale Replica of Amherst Discovered Miles Under Amherst | The Purple Hermit |
October 4, 2018 |
New Research Out of The University of Dortmund | The Editors |
October 4, 2018 |
Community Bikes Sustainably Kick | Clarence Mon |
September 29, 2018 |
Who Exposed the Surreal Five to H-33? | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
September 27, 2018 |
Police Chief Gonzales: Info Wanted on Traveler | The Editors |
September 24, 2018 |
A Joint Statement From The Surreal Five | The Editors |
September 20, 2018 |
Questionable Hustle in Central Park: HUMAN ZOO | Tom Johnson |
September 19, 2018 |
The Surreal Five Speak Out: “Our Brains Are Surreal Now And We Like It That Way.” | The Editors |
September 18, 2018 |
H-33 Explained | Eddie Octo |
September 17, 2018 |
Five UMass Students Exposed to Mind-Altering Chemical H-33 | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
August 17, 2018 |
There Are No Bigfeet In Amherst, Stop This Delusion | George S. Halfly |
August 8, 2018 |
The Mechanical Fellow Is A Mormon Communist Spook | John Short |
August 8, 2018 |
Special Report: The Mechanical Fellow | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
August 2, 2018 |
Hope of Interplanetary Cordiality Extinguished | Ron Gutterston |
July 29, 2018 |
In Wake of Cockfighting Bust, Roosters Euthanized | Tom Johnson |
July 25, 2018 |
The Fate of The Cockfighting Roosters | Tom Johnson |
July 21, 2018 |
Escaped Roosters Wreak Havoc Downtown | Tom Johnson |
July 1, 2018 |
Cockfighting Bust in Northampton | Tom Johnson |
May 30, 2018 |
Members Of The Atonal Music Listening Club Nowhere To Be Found | Common Observer |
April 19, 2018 |
Intelligent Computer Worm On The Loose | Tom Johnson |
April 19, 2018 |
Musical Fun All Around | Dernberger Spengleton |
April 19, 2018 |
An Update From Inside The Old Chapel Dome | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
April 19, 2018 |
2nd Annual Acupuncture Social | Loomis Taunch |
April 19, 2018 |
A Note From The Police: Individuals Saturating Rotaries... | Tom Johnson |
March 15, 2018 |
Problematic Advertisements Plague Amherst | Common Observer |
March 15, 2018 |
Giant Injured in Stupor | Tom Johnson |
March 15, 2018 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
March 15, 2018 |
Upcoming Event: Art Takes on Art | Loomis Taunch |
March 11, 2018 |
Head of Atonal Music Appreciation Club Silently Outed | Common Observer |
December 31, 2017 |
Reverberating Armadillo Comedy & Free Marmalade | Alfred Humbleton |
November 11, 2017 |
University Holds Degree Buyback Program | Wes Sizemore |
October 27, 2017 |
My Search For Enlightenment in these Forsaken Times | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
October 15, 2017 |
UMass Football Goes Gorillas | Wes Sizemore |
February 2, 2017 |
UMass seeks energy crown | Clarence Mon |
February 2, 2017 |
ROGUE WOMAN ON CAMPUS | Tom Johnson |
February 2, 2017 |
Board of selectmen vote down dinosaur proposal | Professor Burgowittz |
February 1, 2017 |
AN UPDATE ON SOUTH WORCESTER | Clarence Mon |