| Date Published |
Title |
Author(s) |
| December 12, 2021 |
Sound Worm Havoc On Halloween | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
What I learned from trading my penis for a VHS copy of "Willow" starring Warwick Davis (Now on Redbox!) | Hank T. Joseph |
| December 12, 2021 |
Stuck in a bug | Vidya |
| August 23, 2021 |
The Diving Bell And The Butterfly And A Nipple | The Editors |
| August 23, 2021 |
Convert Me Daddy! This Could Be A One Buck Pantheon For You. | Anonymous |
| July 18, 2021 |
Talking To Your Child About The Worker Elves That Live In Your Body | Lucy Bugle |
| July 18, 2021 |
Fair Redistribution Of The Bones To Personalities | Carl Mon |
| July 18, 2021 |
Contagious Hiccupers Required To Glue Kazzoos To Faces | Carl Mon |
| July 18, 2021 |
Add A Lockaway Room To Your Home | Tommy Potentuary |
| July 18, 2021 |
Brave Dog Stops Home Intruder, Tortures Him In The Basement For 6 Months. | Micheal O'Really |
| July 18, 2021 |
Top 10 Lines To Guarantee Getting A Third Date | Big Mama Terrible |
| May 29, 2021 |
Immersive Pet Store | Aldus Humbleton |
| May 29, 2021 |
A Night In The Frothing Chamber | Whaler S. Fishpole |
| April 9, 2021 |
Meese Herds Return To Home In Sw Ontario. | Ellie Zandt-Balmer |
| April 9, 2021 |
A Message From An Ant Stuck In An Ant Farm | Ant |
| April 9, 2021 |
Op-ed: Proposal To Replace Presidential Debates With Something Much More Entertaining | Paul Kruger |
| April 9, 2021 |
Help! I've Been Kidnapped And Forced To Listen To The Mars Volta | Flip Gilligan |
| March 12, 2021 |
Women Re-defines Love Function | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 12, 2021 |
The Mouth Roomba - Newest Dental Invention | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 12, 2021 |
Task Tony Helps Belen Find Love | Tony Pepperoni |
| March 12, 2021 |
Coughing, Swallowed, Forgotten, Free | The Gulled One |
| February 9, 2021 |
Open Letter To My Past Self | Name Withheld Due To Safety |
| February 8, 2021 |
Dentist Starves After Robot Teeth Steal Food | Tom Johnson |
| February 8, 2021 |
Those With Single Personalities To Receive Free Personality Multiplexing Therapy | Tommy Potentuary |
| February 8, 2021 |
Congress Passes Reality Relief Bill | Common Observer |
| December 13, 2020 |
Notice: You May Be Entitled to Money | Anonymous |
| December 13, 2020 |
Nation Unites In Anti-vampire Movement | Bartholomew Bax |
| December 13, 2020 |
LA City Government Rumored To Be Buying Tiktok | Paul Kruger |
| December 13, 2020 |
The Truth Behind Turkey | Joaquin |
| December 13, 2020 |
The Tragedy Of Bug-no-pain-man | Ludwig Andre Hogan |
| December 13, 2020 |
Man Replaces Teeth With Small Robots | Carl Mon |
| October 28, 2020 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| October 28, 2020 |
Sandcastle Sex Dolls Deemed Unhealthy | Tom Johnson |
| October 28, 2020 |
“Happy App” Bug Gone Wild | Tommy Potentuary |
| October 28, 2020 |
Fundamentalism For Green | Captain Colorful |
| October 28, 2020 |
"Sane Asylum" Opening Near You | Tommy Potentuary |
| October 28, 2020 |
For Lease: My Grandmother’s Voice In A Box | Charleigh Clark |
| September 23, 2020 |
Exciting Performance At Exhibit to be Unveiled | Vivian Mauve |
| September 23, 2020 |
Luxury Space Lake Open for Family Fun | Tommy Potentuary |
| September 23, 2020 |
Drunk Hotline Available Now | Tommy Potentuary |
| September 23, 2020 |
Please, Replace Your Teeth With Small Rodents | Kitty Collins |
| August 16, 2020 |
Blip in The Axioms of The Universe | Common Observer |
| August 16, 2020 |
Big Animal Planet or Big Animal Hoax | Cryptic Mark |
| May 17, 2020 |
Bird Funeral, At Least You Know, A Public Notary | The Gulled One |
| May 7, 2020 |
Woman Uses Eyeballs as Toys | Common Observer |
| May 7, 2020 |
Time Travel Candy for Curious Tongues | Margaretta Fleese |
| May 5, 2020 |
How "Toxic" By Britney Spears Saved Humankind From Destruction | Flip Gilligan |
| April 28, 2020 |
Attendence Required At Imagining Abundance Event | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 4, 2020 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| March 1, 2020 |
Slug Delivery Not Controversial | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 1, 2020 |
#savecrabs Movement Sweeping The Country | Paul Kruger |
| March 1, 2020 |
The Tree Folk Will Stop The Banjoman Menace | By Senior Hoff Ricko No-Wicko |
| March 1, 2020 |
“Pimp My Brain” Will Blow Your Mind | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 1, 2020 |
Woman Plays Violin During Brain Surgery | Freak Funk Frank |
| January 25, 2020 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| January 25, 2020 |
Bihexical Search b27 | Armädeius Galouei's Surrogate |
| January 25, 2020 |
Flip Gilligan's Guide For Listening To "kid A" By Radiohead | Flip Gilligan |
| January 25, 2020 |
Chiptooth Kindergarten Receives Funding, Updates Curriculum | Mrs. Porter |
| January 25, 2020 |
Opinion: Nuclear Won’t Last | Aldus Humbleton |
| January 25, 2020 |
A Dream Is Simply A Wasted 8-hour Rest Cycle | Loomis Taunch |
| December 6, 2019 |
The Operation Was A Success But The Patient Was Dead | The Crooked Spoke |
| December 6, 2019 |
Continued Last Journals Of Klip The Seagull | Graham Rapier |
| December 6, 2019 |
Free TV Stand Stolen | The Dumb Banana |
| December 6, 2019 |
Rabbit Hole Traps Halt Safety | Tom Johnson |
| December 6, 2019 |
The Bihexical Search | Armädeius Galouei's Surrogate |
| November 2, 2019 |
Slimeball Secretes When Scared | FunkFreakFrank |
| November 2, 2019 |
Help Me! Do I Smell Like Cough Syrup? | Anonymous ad placer |
| November 2, 2019 |
Opinion: I Love Tinnitus | Chadborne Prendergast |
| November 2, 2019 |
Blue Alien Petting Zoo Coming To Amherst | Charlie Tomquat |
| November 2, 2019 |
The Last Journals Of Klip The Seagull | Graham Rapier |
| October 4, 2019 |
DJ Gooba To Play at Alien Market | Tommy Potentuary |
| October 3, 2019 |
Geographic Oddity Between The Stans | George The Geographer |
| October 3, 2019 |
Gulled One Quiet No More | The Gulled One |
| October 3, 2019 |
Common Man Builds Amazing Inspectrograph | Common Observer |
| June 17, 2019 |
Designer Birth Control on The Rise | Tommy Potentuary |
| June 16, 2019 |
Advanced Carnival Will Do Extraordinary Things | Fechy Honcon |
| June 16, 2019 |
Eyeball Juice Stand A Success | Tommy Potentuary |
| May 22, 2019 |
The Novelty Manifesto | Eddie Octo |
| May 21, 2019 |
Encounters of the Tweener Trinketeer Date Back to Early 70s | Melanie Richardson |
| May 15, 2019 |
The Story of Time | Cryptic Mark |
| May 13, 2019 |
The Mechanical Fellow Saves Us From The Noise Moths Crisis | Tommy Potentuary |
| April 20, 2019 |
Eddie: The Octopus Stings | Luap Killner |
| April 16, 2019 |
Have You Seen The Balloon With Teeth | Melanie Richardson |
| April 16, 2019 |
Dorf Deported After Altercations With Serr-Vo and The Mechanical Fellow | Ron Gutterston |
| April 16, 2019 |
The Weight of The Job and Who it Weighs On | Graham Rapier |
| March 14, 2019 |
SGA Elections Delayed By Collective Burp | Common Observer |
| March 13, 2019 |
Account: I feed Myself to Myself | Hubert E. "Eyebrows" Perrywinkler |
| February 26, 2019 |
The Fall of The Former Martian Ambassador | The Purple Hermit |
| February 19, 2019 |
Obituary: Big Brass Bessie | The Editors |
| February 9, 2019 |
Cheap Storage in The Sky | Tommy Potentuary |
| January 22, 2019 |
Hair Anywhere Spray Serum Is Successful, Town Plagued by Baldness | Page Tottman |
| January 17, 2019 |
Serum to Counter Hair Anywhere Spray | Tom Johnson |
| January 9, 2019 |
Alfred Humbleton Repairing the Spectacular Isomorphism from Within The Realm of Ideas | Armädeius Galouei's Surrogate |
| January 9, 2019 |
Peripheral Intelligence Agency Opens A New Office In NYC | Clarence Mon |
| January 9, 2019 |
Tabletalk Cries | Tommy Origami |
| January 4, 2019 |
The Process Complete: R. Bottleby Gains Vague Telepathic Foresight | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| December 19, 2018 |
"Beware The Tabun Needle" | Saul Smalls, with the help of an editor surviving the same illness |
| December 16, 2018 |
Sinners in The Hands of A Fake Sun | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| December 4, 2018 |
Who is Chimpanzee Joe, The Surreal Times Newschimp? | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| November 26, 2018 |
Honors College Begins Mushroom Operation On Finely-Shredded Hopes and Dreams | The Purple Hermit |
| November 21, 2018 |
Lobster Spawning Brigade Accidentally Descends On Amherst | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| November 19, 2018 |
Downtown Disappearances: Possible Cryptid at Large | Sax Tuba |
| November 15, 2018 |
Rising Dissasociex Prices Linked to Midterms | The Purple Hermit |
| November 15, 2018 |
The Pentagon Loses Edge, Becomes Square | Dr. Oxford |
| October 28, 2018 |
Truck Breeding Season Returns After 100 Year Absence | Clarence Mon |
| October 28, 2018 |
Words Discover How To Make Love | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 28, 2018 |
Whorf's Cactus Balm: A Cure For Degeneracy | Emmanuel E. Whorf |
| October 25, 2018 |
A New Stage of The Problem of The Upper Half Of The Man Cut into Two By A Window | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 10, 2018 |
Mikey Reviews: Woke Foods Inc. - New “Conspiracy” Themed Family Restaurant | Mikey McCall |
| October 9, 2018 |
We Are Not Kings After All | The Purple Hermit |
| October 5, 2018 |
Florida Parents Acquire Vending Machine to Feed Children | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 4, 2018 |
Community Bikes Sustainably Kick | Clarence Mon |
| August 23, 2018 |
"The Spot" Breaks Box Office Records, Becoming the Most Profitable Movie in History | Steve Hackwood |
| August 17, 2018 |
There Are No Bigfeet In Amherst, Stop This Delusion | George S. Halfly |
| August 11, 2018 |
The Tree Folk Under Pressure: A New Member Raises Tension | Roberto Piccolo |
| August 8, 2018 |
The Mechanical Fellow Should Be An Honorary Organism | Peter “Mini-P” Petrinksi |
| August 2, 2018 |
Hope of Interplanetary Cordiality Extinguished | Ron Gutterston |
| July 30, 2018 |
April 29th Special Broadcast | Times Staff |
| July 27, 2018 |
Demon Unveils Foundation Line | Roberto Piccolo |
| July 18, 2018 |
Who is Chimpanzee Joe, The Surreal Times news chimp? | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| May 30, 2018 |
The Bihexical Search | Armädeius Galouei's Surrogate |
| May 30, 2018 |
A Recording Of The Ranting Of The Hermenaut | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| May 30, 2018 |
Newspaper Spawns Subsidiary Adventure Capital Firm | The Editors |
| April 19, 2018 |
Government To Begin Investigation of The 'Shower Act' | Cryptic Mark |
| April 19, 2018 |
On The Bihexical Search | Armädeius Galouei's Surrogate |
| April 19, 2018 |
Musical Fun All Around | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 15, 2018 |
Malicious Koi Robs World of Nwidvee | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 15, 2018 |
Problematic Advertisements Plague Amherst | Common Observer |
| March 15, 2018 |
Strange Turn of Events Leads Writer to Symbioticism | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 11, 2018 |
Carnival Observed in The South | Cro Raka |
| March 11, 2018 |
Hotline Hotline Prototype Released | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 3, 2018 |
THE DEATH OF SURREALITY: PART TWO OF THREE | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| February 25, 2018 |
The Story of Timothy The Round Uncovered | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 25, 2018 |
The Balloon: Humpty-Dumpty Retold, P1 | Old Souls Anonymous |
| February 20, 2018 |
New Gameshow, Pilot Episode Airs Tonight | Tommy Potentuary |
| February 20, 2018 |
Juggling Machine Brings Infinite Storage to the Common Man | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 20, 2018 |
Norwottuck Rail Trail to be Extended | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 14, 2018 |
THE DEATH OF SURREALITY: PART ONE OF THREE | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| February 8, 2018 |
Eyrie Eyrie House Hotel Is Recieving Guests Again | Cro Raka |
| January 22, 2018 |
Goose Gingertop Deployed | Jang Ben |
| January 22, 2018 |
Faith Can Move Mountains | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 31, 2017 |
Reverberating Armadillo Comedy & Free Marmalade | Alfred Humbleton |
| December 25, 2017 |
The Fun Is Over Early This Year | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 23, 2017 |
A PICKLE TO THE PREFRONTAL | Wes Sizemore |
| December 15, 2017 |
The Surreal Web Died Today | Priestess Charlene |
| November 28, 2017 |
Has The Truth Behind The Surreal Engine Been Revealed? | Anonymous |
| October 26, 2017 |
Stolen Gurgleer | Clarence Mon |
| October 15, 2017 |
UMass Football Goes Gorillas | Wes Sizemore |
| July 5, 2017 |
Dragonflies, Mind Control, Polar Bears & Oil | Clarence Mon |
| June 14, 2017 |
Considerations Related to the Colonization of Irregular Solar Systems | Clarence Mon |
| May 7, 2017 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| April 10, 2017 |
Large Idea Rotisserie Halts, The Unlegged Rise, The Sun Continues to Shine | Alfred Humbleton |
| April 3, 2017 |
Acupuncture Social to be hosted at the Fine Arts Center! | Loomis Taunch |
| April 3, 2017 |
Acupuncture Social at the FAC! | Loomis Taunch |
| March 17, 2017 |
Montreal Endures Viscous Inhabitant | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 6, 2017 |
A closer look at Headly, an employee at franklin dining commons | Ron Gutterston |
| March 2, 2017 |
Tsunami Hits Western Mass | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 2, 2017 |
The Man in the Nest | Doctor Goldstein |
| February 2, 2017 |
Board of selectmen vote down dinosaur proposal | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 1, 2017 |
OPEN QUESTIONS REGARDING THE DYNAMICS OF BALLOONS | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 1, 2017 |
AN UPDATE ON SOUTH WORCESTER | Clarence Mon |
| January 31, 2017 |
An Explanation | Doctor Goldstein |
| January 31, 2017 |
ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE RECRUITMENT OF NEW WRITERS | The Editors |