| Date Published |
Title |
Author(s) |
| December 12, 2021 |
Sound Worm Havoc On Halloween | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
Anti-Clown Attacks in Amherst | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
>Man Obscured By Tuba | Dernberger Spengleton |
| August 23, 2021 |
God On Strike, Birthrate Drops To Zero | Tommy Potentuary |
| July 18, 2021 |
Furry Feminism Revitalizes Hair Anywherespray | Pleakley Pow Pow |
| July 18, 2021 |
Soldiers Required To Communicate Over Connection-based Protocol Tcp | Carl Mon |
| May 29, 2021 |
Surreal Times Joins The New York Times | The Editors |
| May 29, 2021 |
Ant Joins Surrealist Journalism Team | The Editors |
| April 9, 2021 |
Surreal Times Aquired By The Argonaut | The Editors |
| April 9, 2021 |
Sister Spirits In Old Churchyard? | Finnick Lightfoot |
| March 12, 2021 |
Boxman: Amherst’s Newest Superhero | The Mysterious M |
| February 8, 2021 |
Couple Has A Real Marriage | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 13, 2020 |
Oroxtaclüve Sighting Downtown Amherst, Collateral Damage | Carl Mon |
| October 28, 2020 |
Pedro Stein, Un Secretary-general: | Adam Stein |
| September 23, 2020 |
Exciting Performance At Exhibit to be Unveiled | Vivian Mauve |
| September 23, 2020 |
Dental Delinquent On The Loose | Gum Girl |
| August 16, 2020 |
Blip in The Axioms of The Universe | Common Observer |
| April 24, 2020 |
Local Crackpot Offers Contact-Free Mutterings | Surreal Times News Team |
| March 12, 2020 |
The Occation Event and other Events | The Editors |
| March 4, 2020 |
Events Listings | The Editors |
| March 1, 2020 |
Slug Delivery Not Controversial | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 1, 2020 |
#savecrabs Movement Sweeping The Country | Paul Kruger |
| March 1, 2020 |
The Banjoman Stalks Amherst | Roberto Piccolo |
| March 1, 2020 |
The Tree Folk Will Stop The Banjoman Menace | By Senior Hoff Ricko No-Wicko |
| March 1, 2020 |
Quiet Mortimer: I Will Cut The Banjomans Strings | quiet mortimer |
| March 1, 2020 |
“Pimp My Brain” Will Blow Your Mind | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 1, 2020 |
Pupil Stage Of Noise Moths Discovered | Hubert E. "Eyebrows" Perrywinkler |
| January 25, 2020 |
Return Hair Anywhere Spray To The People | Whaler S. Fishpole |
| January 25, 2020 |
Sewer Snorts Make Downtown A Minefield | Common Observer |
| January 25, 2020 |
Conjoined Headmunk Appears Ambivalent | Sherry Wolverton |
| December 6, 2019 |
Human Hair Salad: Is It Canabalism? | Derek Nussbaum |
| December 6, 2019 |
Letter To The Editors: Black Moon | Gerald Yelle |
| December 6, 2019 |
Review Of Maplewood 5 | Vivian Mauve and Dernernberger Spengleton |
| December 6, 2019 |
Win Big At The Object Lottery | Tommy Potentuary |
| December 6, 2019 |
Surrealist Media Organizations Join Forces | The Editors |
| December 6, 2019 |
Culture Corner: Fiddler On The Roof Opens This Thursday | Ridley Stump |
| December 6, 2019 |
Collegian Did Not Start Newsbox Fires | Tom Johnson |
| December 6, 2019 |
Holiday Wish List | The Editors |
| November 2, 2019 |
I Almost Joined A Cult And Was Glad About It | V. Mauve and Sebastian Pingas |
| November 2, 2019 |
Newspaper Box Fires | Sherry Wolverton |
| November 2, 2019 |
Blue Alien Petting Zoo Coming To Amherst | Charlie Tomquat |
| November 2, 2019 |
Ant Coordinator Is Criminal, Police Do Nothing | Carl Mon |
| October 5, 2019 |
Jesus Reincarnated Before My Eyes | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 4, 2019 |
Breakthrough: Subtle Divine Contact | Theodore Munnely |
| October 3, 2019 |
PSA To Wet Robot Canoodlers | Tom Johnson |
| September 4, 2019 |
Emergent Artificial Intelligence Sends Cryptic Message | Carl Mon |
| June 17, 2019 |
Carny Hosts Mindfulness Game Show | Common Observer |
| June 17, 2019 |
Head of PIA Hotdogged | Carl Mon |
| June 17, 2019 |
For Amherst, With Bees in Mind | Charlie Tomquat |
| June 16, 2019 |
Account: Victim of Crows | Tom Johnson |
| May 22, 2019 |
The Novelty Manifesto | Eddie Octo |
| May 21, 2019 |
Ant Coordinator Resigns Post | Clarence Mon |
| May 21, 2019 |
CC: Hallucinations Wanted | Gustav |
| May 21, 2019 |
Group of Mistreated Plants Attack Herb Gardens, Flower Beds | The Purple Hermit |
| May 21, 2019 |
Grieving in the Wake of An Idiot Alien's Deportation | Ron Gutterston |
| May 21, 2019 |
Novelty Vandals Reconfigure West Cemetery | Clarence Mon |
| May 16, 2019 |
CALIFORNIA SOCK PUPPET MAN ESCAPES SECRET FACILITY | Sax Tuba |
| May 14, 2019 |
Metal Tree Erected Atop Mountain | Clarence Mon |
| May 13, 2019 |
Visions of Emerald Sea Sweep Amherst | The Editors |
| April 20, 2019 |
Eddie: The Octopus Stings | Luap Killner |
| April 16, 2019 |
Have You Seen The Balloon With Teeth | Melanie Richardson |
| April 16, 2019 |
Spengleton's Partner Returns to Instigate a Novel Swap | Common Observer |
| April 15, 2019 |
I Speak From Jail: Deluxe Papa is a Menace | George S. Halfly |
| March 14, 2019 |
Revamping Cruel and Unusual Punishment in The Hampshire County Jail | Common Observer |
| March 13, 2019 |
Hippo Causes Destruction Downtown | BoobnBob |
| March 13, 2019 |
Website Down, People Deprived of News | Armädeius Galouei |
| March 12, 2019 |
Monstrous House Cat Donated to Shelter | Opa Kaanrus |
| March 12, 2019 |
Destroyer of Blimp Going to Jail | Tom Johnson |
| March 12, 2019 |
Take a Whiff of an Aroma Flick At The Aroma-Theatre Downtown Amherst | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 11, 2019 |
Man Who Won't Stop Talking Caught, Applauded | Michael O’Really |
| February 26, 2019 |
Man In Castle-About-Which-The-World-Rotates Becomes Sickly | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 26, 2019 |
The Fall of The Former Martian Ambassador | The Purple Hermit |
| February 22, 2019 |
Local Student Finally Escapes Infinitely Looping Hallway, Angry He Missed Winter Break | Sax Tuba |
| February 20, 2019 |
Geese Departure Pushed Back Again | Leila |
| February 19, 2019 |
Obituary: Jeremy J. Jeremy | The People With Repetitive Names Society |
| February 18, 2019 |
Man In Castle Rejects Tour | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 17, 2019 |
High-quality Spot Found Downtown | Clarence Mon |
| February 16, 2019 |
Archeological Records Suggest UMass Amherst is An Eternal Constant | The Purple Hermit |
| February 16, 2019 |
Plane Destroys Blimp, Deadly Tabun Needles Rain Upon Civilians | Tom Johnson |
| January 17, 2019 |
Serum to Counter Hair Anywhere Spray | Tom Johnson |
| January 17, 2019 |
Mound of Mixed Greens Appears in Cemetery | Clarence Mon |
| January 9, 2019 |
Response to "Sinners in The Hands of The Fake Sun" | George S. Halfly |
| January 8, 2019 |
Man Boasts Castle About Which World Rotates | “The oracle to which the world delivers its specimens” |
| January 4, 2019 |
Letter to the Editor: Who is Dorf? | George S. Halfly |
| December 19, 2018 |
Kid Cuppino to Play Amherst | Roberto Piccolo |
| December 16, 2018 |
Sinners in The Hands of A Fake Sun | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| December 13, 2018 |
Hair Anywhere Graffiti Grows Back When Cut | Joe Tellie |
| December 11, 2018 |
Cryptid Caught: "Belmontian Gurp" Apprehended in Amherst Sewers | Sax Tuba |
| December 10, 2018 |
Landscaping Companies On Call For Hair Anywhere Spray Emergencies | Tom Johnson |
| November 30, 2018 |
Profile: The 'Overseer' Speaks Out On Isenberg Incident | The Purple Hermit |
| November 27, 2018 |
Hair Graffiti Growing Wildly | Joe Tellie |
| November 22, 2018 |
Hair Anywhere Graffiti Scoundrels Run Rampant | Tom Johnson |
| November 21, 2018 |
Lobster Spawning Brigade Accidentally Descends On Amherst | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| November 19, 2018 |
Downtown Disappearances: Possible Cryptid at Large | Sax Tuba |
| November 19, 2018 |
Teenager Looses Tooth Cigarette Jousting | Bernard Gigliotti |
| November 18, 2018 |
Hair Anywhere Spray Now in Rainbow Colors! | Tommy Potentuary |
| November 18, 2018 |
Fortune Cookies Throw Insults | Tom Johnson |
| November 13, 2018 |
"Cigarette Jousting" -- A Danger To Our Youth | Rebecca Winston |
| October 21, 2018 |
Street Light Won't Pipe Down | Clarence Mon |
| October 21, 2018 |
Hair Anywhere Spray Now in Stores | Tommy Potentuary |
| October 20, 2018 |
Scale Replica of Amherst Discovered Miles Under Amherst | The Purple Hermit |
| October 4, 2018 |
New Research Out of The University of Dortmund | The Editors |
| October 4, 2018 |
Community Bikes Sustainably Kick | Clarence Mon |
| October 3, 2018 |
His Name Is Mr. Terrible and He Just Likes to Sneak Around | Ron Gutterston |
| September 27, 2018 |
Police Chief Gonzales: Info Wanted on Traveler | The Editors |
| September 19, 2018 |
The Surreal Five Speak Out: “Our Brains Are Surreal Now And We Like It That Way.” | The Editors |
| September 17, 2018 |
Five UMass Students Exposed to Mind-Altering Chemical H-33 | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| August 20, 2018 |
I, Bigfoot: "Leave Us Alone" | Larry the Bigfoot |
| August 19, 2018 |
The Bigfeet Are Clearly KGB Spooks | John Short |
| August 18, 2018 |
Bigfeet Are Legal And A "Bigfoot Crusade" Is Out Of The Question | Maria Gonzales |
| August 17, 2018 |
There Are No Bigfeet In Amherst, Stop This Delusion | George S. Halfly |
| August 16, 2018 |
The Feathered Travesty: One Naturalist's Thoughts On An Unnatural Matter | Peter “Mini-P” Petrinksi |
| August 15, 2018 |
Eddie Octo Achieves Surreal Engineering Masters Degree | The Editors |
| August 8, 2018 |
Special Report: The Mechanical Fellow | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| August 2, 2018 |
Hope of Interplanetary Cordiality Extinguished | Ron Gutterston |
| July 30, 2018 |
April 29th Special Broadcast | Times Staff |
| July 29, 2018 |
In Wake of Cockfighting Bust, Roosters Euthanized | Tom Johnson |
| July 25, 2018 |
The Fate of The Cockfighting Roosters | Tom Johnson |
| July 24, 2018 |
Spanish Monks Time Travel To Amherst | Roberto Piccolo |
| July 21, 2018 |
Escaped Roosters Wreak Havoc Downtown | Tom Johnson |
| July 21, 2018 |
Town Must Do Better | Chris Bascomb |
| June 19, 2018 |
Union of the Clouds Zilches Borders | Clarence Mon |
| June 18, 2018 |
The Mad Cartographer, We Should Hear Him Out | Pablo Little |
| June 18, 2018 |
The Mad Cartographer Threatens our City | George S. Halfly |
| June 6, 2018 |
Science Fair Invention Makes Relationships a Dream | Tommy Potentuary |
| May 30, 2018 |
The Octo Report: "Collision Festival" Takes Off | Eddie Octo |
| May 30, 2018 |
Realm Of Ideas Narrows | Alfred Humbleton |
| May 30, 2018 |
The Baron Of Bullets Spotted At Antonio’s | Roberto Piccolo |
| May 30, 2018 |
Spiral Run Closing In On The Amherst Common | Dernberger Spengleton |
| May 30, 2018 |
Cloud Anchor Proposed, P.I.A. Investigating | Clarence Mon |
| April 20, 2018 |
Craigslist Post Appears Offering Bicycle Day Deal | Common Observer |
| April 19, 2018 |
Arkansas Howler Arrested After Altercation With Neighbors | Roberto Piccolo |
| April 19, 2018 |
Intelligent Computer Worm On The Loose | Tom Johnson |
| April 19, 2018 |
Musical Fun All Around | Dernberger Spengleton |
| April 19, 2018 |
2nd Annual Acupuncture Social | Loomis Taunch |
| April 19, 2018 |
A Note From The Police: Individuals Saturating Rotaries... | Tom Johnson |
| March 15, 2018 |
Malicious Koi Robs World of Nwidvee | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 15, 2018 |
Unusual Birth Occurs in Wake of Snowstorm | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 15, 2018 |
Problematic Advertisements Plague Amherst | Common Observer |
| March 15, 2018 |
Letter to The Editor | Joseph Altmann |
| March 15, 2018 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| March 11, 2018 |
The Arkansas Howler Returns | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| March 11, 2018 |
Hotline Hotline Prototype Released | Tommy Potentuary |
| February 27, 2018 |
ANNOUNCEMENTS REGARDING THE WRITING COMPETITION AND THE PRIZE | The Editors |
| February 24, 2018 |
P.S.A. Regarding Meteor Impacts | Jonothan Woodruff |
| February 20, 2018 |
Norwottuck Rail Trail to be Extended | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 8, 2018 |
Anonymous Tape Left At Journalist's Home | The Editors |
| January 16, 2018 |
MONSTROSITY APPROACHING | Clarence Mon |
| December 31, 2017 |
Bad Collision, Many Steeds Totalled | Common Observer |
| December 31, 2017 |
Milkwalker Sightings | Cro Raka |
| December 31, 2017 |
Reverberating Armadillo Comedy & Free Marmalade | Alfred Humbleton |
| December 25, 2017 |
Ant Pursues Fountain of Youth | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| December 25, 2017 |
The Fun Is Over Early This Year | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2017 |
Howler Howls His Last | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| November 30, 2017 |
Off-campus Apartment Evicts Tenants | Wes Sizemore |
| November 28, 2017 |
Amherst Annual Orchestra To Perform This Year's Stunt | Dernberger Spengleton |
| November 14, 2017 |
Catching Up With The Arkansas Howler | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| November 11, 2017 |
University Holds Degree Buyback Program | Wes Sizemore |
| November 9, 2017 |
Strange Contraption Brings Mindfulness | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 15, 2017 |
UMass Football Goes Gorillas | Wes Sizemore |
| September 23, 2017 |
More News on the Infamous Criminal Mad Harry | Cro Raka |
| September 13, 2017 |
Surreal Newsroom on 9/14/2017 | Dernberger Spengleton |
| August 10, 2017 |
Hungry Parakeet Scandal | Common Observer |
| June 14, 2017 |
Considerations Related to the Colonization of Irregular Solar Systems | Clarence Mon |
| April 10, 2017 |
Large Idea Rotisserie Halts, The Unlegged Rise, The Sun Continues to Shine | Alfred Humbleton |
| April 3, 2017 |
Acupuncture Social to be hosted at the Fine Arts Center! | Loomis Taunch |
| April 3, 2017 |
Acupuncture Social at the FAC! | Loomis Taunch |
| April 1, 2017 |
Anarchy Among Our Youth! | Clarence Mon |
| March 31, 2017 |
Protest by the Tree Folk | Moriarty Collins |
| March 6, 2017 |
A closer look at Headly, an employee at franklin dining commons | Ron Gutterston |
| March 6, 2017 |
Police Kidnapping Maybe Solved | Richard Jenkins |
| March 2, 2017 |
Tsunami Hits Western Mass | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 2, 2017 |
The Man in the Nest | Doctor Goldstein |
| February 2, 2017 |
A look at the creature of North Amherst | Ron Gutterston |
| February 2, 2017 |
UMass seeks energy crown | Clarence Mon |
| February 2, 2017 |
Board of selectmen vote down dinosaur proposal | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 1, 2017 |
RADICALS GO VIOLENT | Undercarriage Roth |
| February 1, 2017 |
Ride The Wave of Humble Digs | Doctor Goldstein |
| February 1, 2017 |
AN UPDATE ON SOUTH WORCESTER | Clarence Mon |
| February 1, 2017 |
Botany can really Ruffle Feathers | Armädeius Galouei |
| January 31, 2017 |
MAN SQUASHED BY METEORITE | The Editors |