| Date Published |
Title |
Author(s) |
| December 12, 2021 |
Nippled Bird, Mime Engage in Psychic Energy Battle | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
What I learned from trading my penis for a VHS copy of "Willow" starring Warwick Davis (Now on Redbox!) | Hank T. Joseph |
| December 12, 2021 |
Power outage causes slow motion | Tom Johnson |
| December 12, 2021 |
31 Year old Woman Lodged Somewhat Firmly in Year 2012 | Rio Calais |
| December 12, 2021 |
Column: Pleakley's Afternoon | Pleakley Pow Pow |
| December 12, 2021 |
Anti-Clown Attacks in Amherst | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
A Dimension inside a Disco Ball | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
Drink Helium For Social Distancing | Craig Burroughs |
| December 12, 2021 |
Facebook Subsidizing relocation to their simulated world | Tommy Potentuary |
| December 12, 2021 |
Holyman Summons A Party | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
Youth League Competitive Rotten Cheese Eating: Is it Ethical? | Mike O'Really |
| December 12, 2021 |
Introduction of Vacuum Tube Transport on UMass Campus | Ophelia Jones |
| December 12, 2021 |
Observations of a Dad-like Cryptid | Wendy Rutrage |
| December 12, 2021 |
Martian Medusa And Her Scheming Tendrils | Medusa's Tendril |
| August 23, 2021 |
New Covid Variant Detected | Paul Kruger |
| August 23, 2021 |
Legal Question | Vladimir |
| August 23, 2021 |
Turtle's Dreams | The Editors |
| August 23, 2021 |
Jeff Bezos: Chimpanzee Murderer | Paul Kruger |
| August 23, 2021 |
Dependence Day A National Holliday | Ms. Porter |
| August 23, 2021 |
God On Strike, Birthrate Drops To Zero | Tommy Potentuary |
| August 23, 2021 |
2024 Presidential Candidate Announces Height Equality Campaign | Paul Kruger |
| August 23, 2021 |
Simulation Hackday | Theodore Munnely |
| August 23, 2021 |
Convert Me Daddy! This Could Be A One Buck Pantheon For You. | Anonymous |
| August 23, 2021 |
Wrestling With Waves And Fish | Dernberger Spengleton |
| July 18, 2021 |
Surreal Times Bottom Five Under Five. | The Editors |
| July 18, 2021 |
Brave Dog Stops Home Intruder, Tortures Him In The Basement For 6 Months. | Micheal O'Really |
| July 18, 2021 |
Have You Ever Experienced Something … So Bad | Vivian Mauve |
| July 18, 2021 |
Top 10 Lines To Guarantee Getting A Third Date | Big Mama Terrible |
| May 29, 2021 |
Surreal Times 5 Under 5 List | Paul Kruger |
| May 29, 2021 |
Foundational Mythology | The Late Prof. Mercreu L'aInk |
| May 29, 2021 |
A Night In The Frothing Chamber | Whaler S. Fishpole |
| May 29, 2021 |
Calcium And Nutrients | I know how you view my home. |
| April 9, 2021 |
Surreal Times Aquired By The Argonaut | The Editors |
| April 9, 2021 |
A New Kind Of Hiccup | Carl Mon |
| April 9, 2021 |
Meese Herds Return To Home In Sw Ontario. | Ellie Zandt-Balmer |
| April 9, 2021 |
Gravity Preppers Wear Bricks On Their Feet | Dernberger Spengleton |
| April 9, 2021 |
Legal Notice | STEINHOUSE STEINHOUSE & STEINHOUSE LLP |
| April 9, 2021 |
Max On The Street: Repeated Exchanging Of Burritos In Cambridge | Max R. Normalman |
| April 9, 2021 |
Man Convicted Of Crime Against Humanity | Bartholomew Bax |
| April 9, 2021 |
Sister Spirits In Old Churchyard? | Finnick Lightfoot |
| April 9, 2021 |
Caterpillar Rash | Opheila Jones |
| April 9, 2021 |
Conversions Overheard Vol. 3: Gulled One Sighting. | Ophelia Jones |
| April 9, 2021 |
Opinion: Free The Oil, Help It To Freedom | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 12, 2021 |
Trapped 5ft Off The Ground | Eddie Backle |
| March 12, 2021 |
Disgraced Surgeon Pioneers Eyeball Relocation Procedure | Bartholomew Bax |
| March 12, 2021 |
The Mouth Roomba - Newest Dental Invention | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 12, 2021 |
Task Tony Helps Belen Find Love | Tony Pepperoni |
| March 12, 2021 |
The Octopus Saga: How I Ate A Live Octopus And Formed A Bond With It | Paul Kruger |
| March 12, 2021 |
Human-like Pet Store Opens Downtown | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 12, 2021 |
Boxman: Amherst’s Newest Superhero | The Mysterious M |
| March 12, 2021 |
Amadeus Huntington, The Plant Destroyer | Paul Kruger |
| March 12, 2021 |
Clay Catastrophe: Metamorphic Earth Gone Wild | Pleakley Pow Pow |
| March 12, 2021 |
Coughing, Swallowed, Forgotten, Free | The Gulled One |
| February 9, 2021 |
A Hot Bath | Zulu Z. Zulu |
| February 9, 2021 |
The Petri Dish Kids | Pleakley Pow Pow |
| February 9, 2021 |
Effects Of "caterpillar Rashe" Are Wide Felt | Ophelia Jones |
| February 9, 2021 |
Rates Of Self-immolation Skyrocket As Melon-man Hands Out Her Last Free Melon. | Micheal O’Really |
| February 9, 2021 |
Man Sneezes; Gets Blessed By Jesus Christ | Paul Kruger |
| February 9, 2021 |
Open Letter To My Past Self | Name Withheld Due To Safety |
| February 9, 2021 |
Letter To The Editor | Anonymous |
| February 9, 2021 |
Costco Burns To The Ground, Destroying Thousands Of Free Samples | Mike Hanson |
| February 9, 2021 |
Free Respawn Service Offered Downtown | Tommy Potentuary |
| February 8, 2021 |
Novelty Society Achieves Success | Theodore Munnely |
| February 8, 2021 |
Reality Supremacist Operatives Outed From Congress | Carl Mon |
| February 8, 2021 |
Dentist Starves After Robot Teeth Steal Food | Tom Johnson |
| February 8, 2021 |
Couple Has A Real Marriage | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 13, 2020 |
Juggle Fighting Championship Spurs Controversy | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 13, 2020 |
Oroxtaclüve Sighting Downtown Amherst, Collateral Damage | Carl Mon |
| December 13, 2020 |
Discovering My Sexy Alien Popstar Alter Ego | Anonymous |
| December 13, 2020 |
LA City Government Rumored To Be Buying Tiktok | Paul Kruger |
| December 13, 2020 |
The Truth Behind Turkey | Joaquin |
| December 13, 2020 |
The Tragedy Of Bug-no-pain-man | Ludwig Andre Hogan |
| December 13, 2020 |
Etymological Erotica: Meat Your Maker | Madame Madman |
| December 13, 2020 |
Easy Alternative Diet Will Help You Lose Weight | Tommy Potentuary |
| December 13, 2020 |
A Look Into The "Sane Asylum" Downtown | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 13, 2020 |
The Art Of Fishing With Birds, A Beautiful Bond | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 13, 2020 |
Help! I Just Can't Get Away From These Beefy Crabs | Hubert E. “Eyebrows” Perrywinkler |
| December 13, 2020 |
Protests Against Turkey In Space | Common Observer |
| October 28, 2020 |
A Damn Good Case Of The Brownie Bonkers | Pleakley Pow Pow |
| October 28, 2020 |
Spiders As An Alternative To Music | Common Observer |
| October 28, 2020 |
A New “Intellectual Property” | Aldous Humbleton |
| October 28, 2020 |
The Resilience Of Pastrami Man | Ludwig Andre Hogan |
| October 28, 2020 |
Title: Asian City Under Assault By The Times | By: Zulu Z. Zulu |
| October 28, 2020 |
A Tender Moment | Engelbert Humperdinck |
| October 28, 2020 |
A Plea For Help From The Planet Of Dearth | John Doe |
| October 28, 2020 |
Gender Reveal Causes Tornado | Bartholomew Bax |
| October 28, 2020 |
How To Smoke Dandelions | Charleigh Clark |
| October 28, 2020 |
10 Essential Weasel Montgomery Jones Records | Flip Gilligan |
| September 23, 2020 |
Meet the denizens of my cyst, You Dirty Dog | The Inanimate Empathist |
| September 23, 2020 |
Exciting Performance At Exhibit to be Unveiled | Vivian Mauve |
| September 23, 2020 |
Tales of The Kandy Kingpin | Doctor Rotcod |
| September 23, 2020 |
It Finally Came In The Mail | Louie Howden |
| September 23, 2020 |
Questions: Would you Rather? | Paul Krueger |
| September 23, 2020 |
Please, Replace Your Teeth With Small Rodents | Kitty Collins |
| September 23, 2020 |
Dear Jupiter: My Best Friend Froze Herself | Jupiter |
| September 23, 2020 |
Existential Dread Down the Drain | Dernberger Spengleton |
| September 23, 2020 |
Sky Bottling Uncovered | Pleakley Pow Pow |
| August 16, 2020 |
WHERE DID PAST MATT HIDE MY CIGARETTES? | Future Matt |
| August 16, 2020 |
Alan Partridge Returns With Advice | Alan Partridge |
| August 16, 2020 |
Big Animal Planet or Big Animal Hoax | Cryptic Mark |
| August 6, 2020 |
Not Enough Karma For Hands | Common Observer |
| May 17, 2020 |
Wife Dressed Up As Stray Anteater Surprised as Husband Shows Potential for Pet Care | Maaye Pujhol |
| May 12, 2020 |
Fleeting Touches on Other's Lives | Songsinger |
| May 7, 2020 |
Woman Uses Eyeballs as Toys | Common Observer |
| May 7, 2020 |
Genetics For Hire | Doctor Rotcod |
| May 5, 2020 |
Let's Paint a Picture: Trout Fishing | Vivian Mauve |
| April 24, 2020 |
Local Crackpot Offers Contact-Free Mutterings | Surreal Times News Team |
| April 23, 2020 |
Invasive Tree Grows Writhing Rats | Tom Johnson |
| April 17, 2020 |
Giraffe Movement | Skye |
| March 4, 2020 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| March 1, 2020 |
“Pimp My Brain” Will Blow Your Mind | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 1, 2020 |
Pupil Stage Of Noise Moths Discovered | Hubert E. "Eyebrows" Perrywinkler |
| March 1, 2020 |
Selected Not-news Since 1973 | Frank Earhorn |
| March 1, 2020 |
Fireworks At The Convergence Bowl | Common Observer |
| February 29, 2020 |
Salvation Of Gleez Mission Fails Due To Problematic Greg | Kangarth Jragzip |
| February 29, 2020 |
Book Review: Voldemort Goes To Hawaii | Professor Nutmeg |
| February 29, 2020 |
My First Line Training Experience | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 29, 2020 |
An Unsolved Case: Hand Disembodiment On The Charles | Tom Johnson |
| February 29, 2020 |
An Encounter With The Demon That Does Good | Vivian Mauve |
| January 25, 2020 |
Demon that Does Good Visits Easthampton | Dernberger Spengleton |
| January 25, 2020 |
Hair Salad Grows In Your Stomach | Whaler S. Fishpole |
| January 25, 2020 |
Sewer Snorts Make Downtown A Minefield | Common Observer |
| January 25, 2020 |
Flip Gilligan's Guide For Listening To "kid A" By Radiohead | Flip Gilligan |
| January 25, 2020 |
Chiptooth Kindergarten Receives Funding, Updates Curriculum | Mrs. Porter |
| January 25, 2020 |
Man Who Habitully Covers Himself In Twigs At Ball Field Questioned | Vivian Mauve |
| January 25, 2020 |
Explosive Feast At The Gin Mill | Common Observer |
| January 25, 2020 |
Reality: An Inescapable Eternity, Or A Failed Century-long Experiment | Ezra Ryder |
| January 25, 2020 |
Surreal Times Marching Orders | The Editors |
| January 25, 2020 |
Conjoined Headmunk Appears Ambivalent | Sherry Wolverton |
| December 6, 2019 |
Human Hair Salad: Is It Canabalism? | Derek Nussbaum |
| December 6, 2019 |
The Operation Was A Success But The Patient Was Dead | The Crooked Spoke |
| December 6, 2019 |
Learn To Lucid Dream | Cro Raka |
| December 6, 2019 |
Letter To The Editors: Black Moon | Gerald Yelle |
| December 6, 2019 |
PIA Defeated By The Reality Supremacists | Carl Mon |
| December 6, 2019 |
Review Of Maplewood 5 | Vivian Mauve and Dernernberger Spengleton |
| December 6, 2019 |
Guided Thoughts 2 | Aldus Humbleton |
| December 6, 2019 |
Account: Hearsay Heresy | Soosberg |
| December 6, 2019 |
Ball Players Disciplined | Sherry Wolverton |
| November 11, 2019 |
Status of the Gord | The Gord's Keeper |
| November 2, 2019 |
This Is About You | V. Mauve |
| November 2, 2019 |
I Almost Joined A Cult And Was Glad About It | V. Mauve and Sebastian Pingas |
| November 2, 2019 |
Newspaper Box Fires | Sherry Wolverton |
| November 2, 2019 |
On Cornflower Blue Thoughts | The Collective |
| November 2, 2019 |
The Last Journals Of Klip The Seagull | Graham Rapier |
| November 2, 2019 |
Droids Invade Love | Dr. Harold S. Pirog |
| November 2, 2019 |
The Carousel Of Unending Happiness Vii | Ophelia Jones |
| November 2, 2019 |
Demand: Show Me The Face Of Wisdom | Hank T. Joseph |
| November 2, 2019 |
What We Crave | Clist Cthrutchy |
| October 22, 2019 |
International Arms Deal At The Snake's Nest | Shock Johnson |
| October 15, 2019 |
Fire Breathing Lizards Hatch In Allston | M. Mumford |
| October 15, 2019 |
The Best Kind of Music: Gregorian Whispering | quiet mortimer |
| October 5, 2019 |
Reality Supremacists Go Violent | Carl Mon |
| October 5, 2019 |
Partial Devastation, Questions Follow Maritime Disaster | Mad Christopher van Eyck, Sr |
| October 5, 2019 |
The Carousel of Unending Happiness | Your RingMaster |
| October 5, 2019 |
Sex With Brain Parasites Goes Mainstream | Ed Nucklebalm |
| October 5, 2019 |
Basketball Game Turns Into Cooking Game Show | Boobnbob |
| October 5, 2019 |
Writer Glitches STD Ray Gun | Ned Greebly |
| October 4, 2019 |
Intelligent Life Destroying Itself | Ferdinand Maxwell |
| October 3, 2019 |
Letter From The Foreign Dreams Correspondent | Alan Partridge |
| October 3, 2019 |
Gulled One Quiet No More | The Gulled One |
| June 17, 2019 |
Pioneer Valley Urine Found to Be Not Potable | Kenneth Power-Ranger |
| June 17, 2019 |
Blue Wall: Blown to Bits | Rio Calais |
| June 17, 2019 |
Chimp Joe Safe at Alien Commune | Ron Gutterston |
| June 17, 2019 |
Correspondence on Foreign Dreams | Alan Partridge |
| June 17, 2019 |
I've Lost My Jack of Hearts | The Streuufin-Hoffer Boy |
| June 17, 2019 |
Head of PIA Hotdogged | Carl Mon |
| June 17, 2019 |
Top 13 Ball Moments | Sherry Wolverton |
| June 17, 2019 |
Logs of Earl Bristol Goddard Published | The Purple Hermit |
| June 16, 2019 |
Account: Victim of Crows | Tom Johnson |
| June 16, 2019 |
Death By Halal | Tom Johnson |
| May 22, 2019 |
The Novelty Manifesto | Eddie Octo |
| May 21, 2019 |
Ant Coordinator Resigns Post | Clarence Mon |
| May 21, 2019 |
A Note on Some People I Met During a Year Spent As Surreal Times Interesting Person Contact | Charleigh Clark |
| May 21, 2019 |
The Sunken Head Says Bye and Somni Says Hi | The Narrator |
| May 21, 2019 |
Grieving in the Wake of An Idiot Alien's Deportation | Ron Gutterston |
| May 21, 2019 |
Encounters of the Tweener Trinketeer Date Back to Early 70s | Melanie Richardson |
| May 21, 2019 |
Microscopic Seafarers Discovered at Puffer's Pond | Roberto Piccolo |
| May 21, 2019 |
Novelty Vandals Reconfigure West Cemetery | Clarence Mon |
| May 21, 2019 |
She's in the Carousel of Unending Happiness Now | Your RingMaster |
| May 21, 2019 |
My Name is Mr. Terrible And I Just Like to Sneak Around | Mr. Terrible |
| May 15, 2019 |
The Story of Time | Cryptic Mark |
| May 14, 2019 |
In Response to A Study In Cow Pelt And Citrus | The Inanimate Empathist |
| May 13, 2019 |
These Things Are Innocent | Eddy Cruise |
| May 13, 2019 |
Visions of Emerald Sea Sweep Amherst | The Editors |
| April 20, 2019 |
Eddie: The Octopus Stings | Luap Killner |
| April 16, 2019 |
Have You Seen The Balloon With Teeth | Melanie Richardson |
| April 16, 2019 |
Need For Charles: Darling Haunted in Cali | Hank T. Joseph |
| April 16, 2019 |
Spengleton's Partner Returns to Instigate a Novel Swap | Common Observer |
| April 16, 2019 |
Interview With NASA Computer Scientist | The Purple Hermit |
| April 16, 2019 |
Hot New Place to Live: Centralia Pennsylvania | Tommy Potentuary |
| April 16, 2019 |
Dorf Deported After Altercations With Serr-Vo and The Mechanical Fellow | Ron Gutterston |
| April 16, 2019 |
The Weight of The Job and Who it Weighs On | Graham Rapier |
| April 16, 2019 |
Buttler Collective Seeks Information on Hobbling Jelly Filler | BoobnBob |
| April 12, 2019 |
Noise Moths Escape Dorm, Ravage Vocal Cords | William (Bill) Gumby |
| March 14, 2019 |
Rats Carry Messages Throughout Downtown | Roberto Piccolo |
| March 14, 2019 |
A Study In Cow Pelt and Citrus | Eddy Cruise |
| March 13, 2019 |
Hippo Causes Destruction Downtown | BoobnBob |
| March 13, 2019 |
Website Down, People Deprived of News | Armädeius Galouei |
| March 13, 2019 |
Account: I feed Myself to Myself | Hubert E. "Eyebrows" Perrywinkler |
| March 12, 2019 |
Take a Whiff of an Aroma Flick At The Aroma-Theatre Downtown Amherst | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 11, 2019 |
Doorstep Toddlers Stealing Data | Tom Johnson |
| February 24, 2019 |
Minor Scrapes, Tears, In Aftermath of High Rise Collapse | Mad Christopher van Eyck, Sr |
| February 22, 2019 |
Local Student Finally Escapes Infinitely Looping Hallway, Angry He Missed Winter Break | Sax Tuba |
| February 21, 2019 |
The Carousel of Unending Happiness Just Around a Corner And Under Your Nose | Advertisement |
| February 20, 2019 |
A Study in Cow Pelt and Citrus | Eddy Cruise |
| February 19, 2019 |
Obituary: Earnest Earhorn | The Earhorn Family |
| February 19, 2019 |
Obituary: Big Brass Bessie | The Editors |
| February 19, 2019 |
Obituary: Jeremy J. Jeremy | The People With Repetitive Names Society |
| February 18, 2019 |
Man In The Castle-About-Which-The-World-Rotates Is Disappointed | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 17, 2019 |
y2k38 Is Not Just Another y2k | Kurt Bonzo |
| February 17, 2019 |
High-quality Spot Found Downtown | Clarence Mon |
| February 16, 2019 |
Plane Destroys Blimp, Deadly Tabun Needles Rain Upon Civilians | Tom Johnson |
| February 14, 2019 |
Le’tratte Storage LLC Thriving | Tommy Potentuary |
| January 24, 2019 |
Castle About Which World Rotates: dweller unsatisfied, unable to paint or escape | Dernberger Spengleton |
| January 22, 2019 |
Bill "Nerb" Elsasser to Sue Town For Killing Flowers | Common Observer |
| January 13, 2019 |
Psychoactive Noise Moths Do Not Affect Humans | Whaler S. Fishpole |
| January 9, 2019 |
Peripheral Intelligence Agency Opens A New Office In NYC | Clarence Mon |
| January 9, 2019 |
We Have Been Given Quandaries | Tevobet Nope |
| January 2, 2019 |
Mullen: "You'll Get What You Want" | Hubert E. "Eyebrows" Perrywinkler |
| December 22, 2018 |
Hampshire County Jail Bans Reptiles | Common Observer |
| December 19, 2018 |
"Beware The Tabun Needle" | Saul Smalls, with the help of an editor surviving the same illness |
| December 19, 2018 |
Ongoing Offshoot of Liquid From Mandarin Oriental Hotel to Groundly Mouths | Carl Mon |
| December 16, 2018 |
"Force-field" Surrounds Isenberg Campus | The Purple Hermit |
| December 16, 2018 |
Sinners in The Hands of A Fake Sun | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| December 11, 2018 |
My Visit With The Fugitive | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| December 11, 2018 |
Cryptid Caught: "Belmontian Gurp" Apprehended in Amherst Sewers | Sax Tuba |
| December 3, 2018 |
May The Rodents Be Gone, Say the Elderly Children | Dernberger Spengleton |
| November 30, 2018 |
Profile: The 'Overseer' Speaks Out On Isenberg Incident | The Purple Hermit |
| November 19, 2018 |
Downtown Disappearances: Possible Cryptid at Large | Sax Tuba |
| November 19, 2018 |
Teenager Looses Tooth Cigarette Jousting | Bernard Gigliotti |
| November 15, 2018 |
Rising Dissasociex Prices Linked to Midterms | The Purple Hermit |
| November 5, 2018 |
Surreal Paraguay | Cro Raka |
| November 5, 2018 |
Riddles By Eyebrows | Hubert E. "Eyebrows" Perrywinkler |
| October 28, 2018 |
Words Discover How To Make Love | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 25, 2018 |
A New Stage of The Problem of The Upper Half Of The Man Cut into Two By A Window | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 23, 2018 |
Ode to Seagulls | Carët “Egg” Ozoné |
| October 21, 2018 |
Street Light Won't Pipe Down | Clarence Mon |
| October 10, 2018 |
Mikey Reviews: Woke Foods Inc. - New “Conspiracy” Themed Family Restaurant | Mikey McCall |
| October 9, 2018 |
The Martians Are Here, and it is Glorious | The Purple Hermit |
| October 5, 2018 |
Man Shows Vulnerability, Successfully Apprehended | Aleister Frost |
| October 4, 2018 |
New Research Out of The University of Dortmund | The Editors |
| October 3, 2018 |
His Name Is Mr. Terrible and He Just Likes to Sneak Around | Ron Gutterston |
| October 2, 2018 |
A Letter To My Brother | Saul Smalls |
| September 29, 2018 |
Who Exposed the Surreal Five to H-33? | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| September 20, 2018 |
Questionable Hustle in Central Park: HUMAN ZOO | Tom Johnson |
| August 27, 2018 |
The Spot Movie Lands Big Movie in Hot Water Following Alleged Copycat Crimes | Steve Hackwood |
| August 23, 2018 |
"The Spot" Breaks Box Office Records, Becoming the Most Profitable Movie in History | Steve Hackwood |
| August 18, 2018 |
Bigfeet Are Legal And A "Bigfoot Crusade" Is Out Of The Question | Maria Gonzales |
| August 17, 2018 |
There Are No Bigfeet In Amherst, Stop This Delusion | George S. Halfly |
| August 16, 2018 |
The Feathered Travesty: One Naturalist's Thoughts On An Unnatural Matter | Peter “Mini-P” Petrinksi |
| August 13, 2018 |
An Update On The Mechanical Fellow | The Editors |
| August 8, 2018 |
Special Report: The Mechanical Fellow | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| August 6, 2018 |
Brave Help Wanted for Dangerous, Vital Work | Maximillian C. Ramped |
| August 5, 2018 |
AN ACCOUNT OF: A MAN CUT IN TWO BY A WINDOW | Dernberger Spengleton |
| August 2, 2018 |
Hope of Interplanetary Cordiality Extinguished | Ron Gutterston |
| July 30, 2018 |
April 29th Special Broadcast | Times Staff |
| July 25, 2018 |
The Fate of The Cockfighting Roosters | Tom Johnson |
| July 24, 2018 |
Spanish Monks Time Travel To Amherst | Roberto Piccolo |
| July 21, 2018 |
Escaped Roosters Wreak Havoc Downtown | Tom Johnson |
| July 1, 2018 |
Terrible Assault on General Consciousness | Tiggy Sintrupuli |
| July 1, 2018 |
Cockfighting Bust in Northampton | Tom Johnson |
| June 19, 2018 |
Union of the Clouds Zilches Borders | Clarence Mon |
| May 30, 2018 |
Spiral Run Closing In On The Amherst Common | Dernberger Spengleton |
| May 30, 2018 |
We Can All Take A Hint From This Sandwich Anarchy | Pablo Little |
| May 30, 2018 |
Members Of The Atonal Music Listening Club Nowhere To Be Found | Common Observer |
| April 20, 2018 |
Craigslist Post Appears Offering Bicycle Day Deal | Common Observer |
| April 19, 2018 |
Government To Begin Investigation of The 'Shower Act' | Cryptic Mark |
| April 19, 2018 |
Intelligent Computer Worm On The Loose | Tom Johnson |
| April 19, 2018 |
Musical Fun All Around | Dernberger Spengleton |
| April 19, 2018 |
Hotline Hotline Goes Offline Indefinitely | Tommy Potentuary |
| April 19, 2018 |
2nd Annual Acupuncture Social | Loomis Taunch |
| April 19, 2018 |
A Note From The Police: Individuals Saturating Rotaries... | Tom Johnson |
| April 19, 2018 |
New Column: Ask G.G. For Advice | G.G. |
| April 13, 2018 |
THE DEATH OF SURREALITY: PART THREE | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| March 15, 2018 |
Malicious Koi Robs World of Nwidvee | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 15, 2018 |
Unusual Birth Occurs in Wake of Snowstorm | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 15, 2018 |
Strange Turn of Events Leads Writer to Symbioticism | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 15, 2018 |
Giant Injured in Stupor | Tom Johnson |
| March 15, 2018 |
Letter to The Editor | Joseph Altmann |
| March 15, 2018 |
Upcoming Event: Art Takes on Art | Loomis Taunch |
| March 15, 2018 |
The Balloon: Part 2 | Old Souls Anonymous |
| March 11, 2018 |
Piece of Surreal Engine Found Near Fault Line, Becomes Prize | Dr. Dan Nibbler |
| March 11, 2018 |
Head of Atonal Music Appreciation Club Silently Outed | Common Observer |
| March 3, 2018 |
THE DEATH OF SURREALITY: PART TWO OF THREE | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| February 25, 2018 |
Mail Truck Crash, Strong Impression on Witnesses | Patty Geortenhul |
| February 25, 2018 |
Burgowittz Resigns | The Editors |
| February 25, 2018 |
The Balloon: Humpty-Dumpty Retold, P1 | Old Souls Anonymous |
| February 24, 2018 |
A Depraved Scene Among Our Youth | Chef Xenu Zorelli |
| February 20, 2018 |
New Gameshow, Pilot Episode Airs Tonight | Tommy Potentuary |
| February 14, 2018 |
THE DEATH OF SURREALITY: PART ONE OF THREE | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| February 8, 2018 |
Events Unfold At The Vatican | Dernberger Spengleton |
| January 22, 2018 |
Faith Can Move Mountains | Dernberger Spengleton |
| January 17, 2018 |
The Princess Presents: Rope Arms ^Goliath | Common Observer |
| January 11, 2018 |
Dennis Horizontal Hands' Inaugural Column | Dennis Horizontal Hands |
| December 31, 2017 |
Reverberating Armadillo Comedy & Free Marmalade | Alfred Humbleton |
| December 25, 2017 |
The Fun Is Over Early This Year | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 23, 2017 |
A PICKLE TO THE PREFRONTAL | Wes Sizemore |
| December 23, 2017 |
Response to that Lousy Chimp | Doctor Goldstein |
| December 16, 2017 |
Researchers Discover Cure For Excessive Sanity | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| December 16, 2017 |
A Trail of Ashes | J.D. |
| December 15, 2017 |
The Surreal Web Died Today | Priestess Charlene |
| December 4, 2017 |
A Peculiar Chase of Mutts and Bolts | J.D. |
| December 4, 2017 |
Untastefully Yours Probably & The ARG | Dernberger Spengleton |
| November 30, 2017 |
Off-campus Apartment Evicts Tenants | Wes Sizemore |
| November 28, 2017 |
Has The Truth Behind The Surreal Engine Been Revealed? | Anonymous |
| November 28, 2017 |
Amherst Annual Orchestra To Perform This Year's Stunt | Dernberger Spengleton |
| November 16, 2017 |
At The Foot of The Altar | Doctor Goldstein |
| November 11, 2017 |
University Holds Degree Buyback Program | Wes Sizemore |
| November 11, 2017 |
The Lost Story of Mr. Johnson | Praa Para |
| November 9, 2017 |
Strange Contraption Brings Mindfulness | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 15, 2017 |
UMass Football Goes Gorillas | Wes Sizemore |
| October 3, 2017 |
Let's Talk About This Whole Human Thing | Chimpanzee Joe |
| September 25, 2017 |
Squanderers of the Molecule of Life! | Professor Burgowittz |
| September 25, 2017 |
The Schizo Report | The Voices |
| September 23, 2017 |
More News on the Infamous Criminal Mad Harry | Cro Raka |
| September 4, 2017 |
Sermon #4 - Our Great Final Neglect | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
| August 10, 2017 |
Hungry Parakeet Scandal | Common Observer |
| June 19, 2017 |
Splinter | Zulu Z. Zulu |
| May 7, 2017 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| May 3, 2017 |
OBITUARY: TRUTH HAS DEPARTED THIS LIFE | Dernberger Spengleton |
| April 26, 2017 |
A Visit From The Bird | Cro Raka |
| April 10, 2017 |
Large Idea Rotisserie Halts, The Unlegged Rise, The Sun Continues to Shine | Alfred Humbleton |
| March 31, 2017 |
Protest by the Tree Folk | Moriarty Collins |
| March 6, 2017 |
A closer look at Headly, an employee at franklin dining commons | Ron Gutterston |
| March 6, 2017 |
Police Kidnapping Maybe Solved | Richard Jenkins |
| March 3, 2017 |
Local Investigation That May Be of Interest to The Concerned Citizen | Cro Raka |
| March 2, 2017 |
ZZZ PUTS WORDS TO SPENGLETON'S CURVES | Zulu Z. Zulu |
| March 2, 2017 |
Tsunami Hits Western Mass | Professor Burgowittz |
| March 1, 2017 |
Ice jam aborted | Alfred Humbleton |
| February 24, 2017 |
Dr. John and Charles Neville to bring New Orleans to Northampton | Doctor Goldstein |
| February 2, 2017 |
The Man in the Nest | Doctor Goldstein |
| February 2, 2017 |
Running in circles? | Alfred Humbleton |
| February 2, 2017 |
Board of selectmen vote down dinosaur proposal | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 2, 2017 |
A peculiar occurrence | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 1, 2017 |
NERB SPEAKS | Common Observer |
| February 1, 2017 |
RADICALS GO VIOLENT | Undercarriage Roth |
| February 1, 2017 |
Ride The Wave of Humble Digs | Doctor Goldstein |
| February 1, 2017 |
AN UPDATE ON SOUTH WORCESTER | Clarence Mon |
| February 1, 2017 |
Slam your head against the wall | William Howard |
| February 1, 2017 |
Letter to the editor | Emanuel Gumft |
| January 31, 2017 |
An Explanation | Doctor Goldstein |
| January 31, 2017 |
A peculiar occurence | Dernberger Spengleton |
| January 31, 2017 |
IMPORTANT ARCHEOLOGICAL DISCOVERY | Professor Burgowittz |
| January 31, 2017 |
The Man in the Crows Nest | Ralphie Warbler |