| Date Published |
Title |
Author(s) |
| December 12, 2021 |
Sound Worm Havoc On Halloween | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
What I learned from trading my penis for a VHS copy of "Willow" starring Warwick Davis (Now on Redbox!) | Hank T. Joseph |
| December 12, 2021 |
Column: Pleakley's Afternoon | Pleakley Pow Pow |
| December 12, 2021 |
Anti-Clown Attacks in Amherst | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
A Dimension inside a Disco Ball | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 12, 2021 |
Drink Helium For Social Distancing | Craig Burroughs |
| December 12, 2021 |
Opinion: What’s So Scary About Skeletons? | Spookas Ghoulgen |
| December 12, 2021 |
Youth League Competitive Rotten Cheese Eating: Is it Ethical? | Mike O'Really |
| December 12, 2021 |
Stuck in a bug | Vidya |
| December 12, 2021 |
Free Will Fridays | Tom Johnson |
| December 12, 2021 |
What is compound neuronal exposure disease? | Doctor Cozma |
| December 12, 2021 |
Observations of a Dad-like Cryptid | Wendy Rutrage |
| December 12, 2021 |
Martian Medusa And Her Scheming Tendrils | Medusa's Tendril |
| August 23, 2021 |
Mourning Breath | The Editors |
| August 23, 2021 |
Legal Question | Vladimir |
| August 23, 2021 |
Turtle's Dreams | The Editors |
| August 23, 2021 |
Mental Magnet Erases Hard Drives | Dernberger Spengleton |
| August 23, 2021 |
Opinion: Animal Testing Is Wrong, Use Furries Instead | Dr. Mormonius Rex |
| August 23, 2021 |
Dependence Day A National Holliday | Ms. Porter |
| August 23, 2021 |
God On Strike, Birthrate Drops To Zero | Tommy Potentuary |
| August 23, 2021 |
Recommended Negative Vibe Quota | Milbod Hummmmmmmmm |
| August 23, 2021 |
The Diving Bell And The Butterfly And A Nipple | The Editors |
| August 23, 2021 |
2024 Presidential Candidate Announces Height Equality Campaign | Paul Kruger |
| August 23, 2021 |
The Arson Streak Because Of The Absence Of The Melon Man | The Inanimate Empathist |
| August 23, 2021 |
The Completed Observations Of An Oatmeal Beard On A Bus. | Melanie Richardson PsyD |
| August 23, 2021 |
Wrestling With Waves And Fish | Dernberger Spengleton |
| July 18, 2021 |
Talking To Your Child About The Worker Elves That Live In Your Body | Lucy Bugle |
| July 18, 2021 |
Astronaut Stranded On Lagrange Point | Carl Mon |
| July 18, 2021 |
Surreal Times Bottom Five Under Five. | The Editors |
| July 18, 2021 |
Once People Walked Here, But Now Only A Few Do. | Vivian Mauve |
| July 18, 2021 |
Have You Ever Experienced Something … So Bad | Vivian Mauve |
| July 18, 2021 |
Top 10 Lines To Guarantee Getting A Third Date | Big Mama Terrible |
| May 29, 2021 |
Synchronicities As A Service | Tommy Potentuary |
| May 29, 2021 |
Reminder: Your Rights As A Dimension 3 Biped | Aldus Humbleton |
| May 29, 2021 |
Top 10 Facts About Alligators | Big Daddy Terrible |
| May 29, 2021 |
Legal Notice | STEINHOUSE STEINHOUSE & STEINHOUSE LLP |
| May 29, 2021 |
Experience New Qualia At Electromagnet World! | Tommy Potentuary |
| May 29, 2021 |
Correction: Mathematicians On Mars | Dernberger Spengleton |
| May 29, 2021 |
A Night In The Frothing Chamber | Whaler S. Fishpole |
| May 29, 2021 |
Fire In The Fractal Factory | Dernberger Spengleton |
| May 29, 2021 |
Parental Controls For The Eyeballs | Tom Johnson |
| April 9, 2021 |
A New Kind Of Hiccup | Carl Mon |
| April 9, 2021 |
A Call To Immediate Action: Baconize The Pig | Zulu Z. Zulu |
| April 9, 2021 |
Letter To The Editor | Doctor Goldstein |
| April 9, 2021 |
Gravity Preppers Wear Bricks On Their Feet | Dernberger Spengleton |
| April 9, 2021 |
Max On The Street: Repeated Exchanging Of Burritos In Cambridge | Max R. Normalman |
| April 9, 2021 |
Man Convicted Of Crime Against Humanity | Bartholomew Bax |
| April 9, 2021 |
Sister Spirits In Old Churchyard? | Finnick Lightfoot |
| April 9, 2021 |
Op-ed: Proposal To Replace Presidential Debates With Something Much More Entertaining | Paul Kruger |
| April 9, 2021 |
Caterpillar Rash | Opheila Jones |
| April 9, 2021 |
Conversions Overheard Vol. 3: Gulled One Sighting. | Ophelia Jones |
| April 9, 2021 |
Help! I've Been Kidnapped And Forced To Listen To The Mars Volta | Flip Gilligan |
| April 9, 2021 |
Opinion: Free The Oil, Help It To Freedom | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 12, 2021 |
Women Re-defines Love Function | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 12, 2021 |
Disgraced Surgeon Pioneers Eyeball Relocation Procedure | Bartholomew Bax |
| March 12, 2021 |
Multiple Personalities Given Voting Rights | Carl Mon |
| March 12, 2021 |
Task Tony Helps Belen Find Love | Tony Pepperoni |
| March 12, 2021 |
The Octopus Saga: How I Ate A Live Octopus And Formed A Bond With It | Paul Kruger |
| March 12, 2021 |
Human-like Pet Store Opens Downtown | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 12, 2021 |
Amadeus Huntington, The Plant Destroyer | Paul Kruger |
| March 12, 2021 |
Clay Catastrophe: Metamorphic Earth Gone Wild | Pleakley Pow Pow |
| March 12, 2021 |
Coughing, Swallowed, Forgotten, Free | The Gulled One |
| February 20, 2021 |
Ricky Amadour: Artist, Designer, Musician - THE NEWEST CANDIDATE IN OUR BRAIN EATER PROGRAM | Zed Murky |
| February 9, 2021 |
Why I Became A Lizard | Lucard Haugauna |
| February 9, 2021 |
University Of California To Introduce Spiritual Evaluation To Admission Process | Nicholas M. Sennott |
| February 9, 2021 |
Rates Of Self-immolation Skyrocket As Melon-man Hands Out Her Last Free Melon. | Micheal O’Really |
| February 9, 2021 |
New Business In Town: Kid Swap | Paul Kruger |
| February 9, 2021 |
Man Sneezes; Gets Blessed By Jesus Christ | Paul Kruger |
| February 9, 2021 |
Open Letter To My Past Self | Name Withheld Due To Safety |
| February 9, 2021 |
Locals Be Advised: Harrison Honeycrisp | Aleister Frost |
| February 8, 2021 |
Dentist Starves After Robot Teeth Steal Food | Tom Johnson |
| February 8, 2021 |
Woman Overdoses On Helium | Tom Johnson |
| February 8, 2021 |
Couple Has A Real Marriage | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 13, 2020 |
Account: Observations of An Oatmeal Beard on a Bus | Melanie Richardson PsyD |
| December 13, 2020 |
Notice: You May Be Entitled to Money | Anonymous |
| December 13, 2020 |
Opinion: Humans Should Be Banned | Guy Person |
| December 13, 2020 |
Dear Jupiter: I Can Only Express Myself Through Elaborate Performance Art | Jupiter |
| December 13, 2020 |
LA City Government Rumored To Be Buying Tiktok | Paul Kruger |
| December 13, 2020 |
The Truth Behind Turkey | Joaquin |
| December 13, 2020 |
The Tragedy Of Bug-no-pain-man | Ludwig Andre Hogan |
| December 13, 2020 |
Etymological Erotica: Meat Your Maker | Madame Madman |
| December 13, 2020 |
Easy Alternative Diet Will Help You Lose Weight | Tommy Potentuary |
| December 13, 2020 |
Man Replaces Teeth With Small Robots | Carl Mon |
| December 13, 2020 |
A Look Into The "Sane Asylum" Downtown | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 13, 2020 |
Be The Video Game Character You Always Dreamed Of | Tommy Potentuary |
| December 13, 2020 |
The Art Of Fishing With Birds, A Beautiful Bond | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 13, 2020 |
Cosmic Ju-jitsu Tournament With A Dramatic Finish | Tommy Potentuary |
| December 13, 2020 |
Help! I Just Can't Get Away From These Beefy Crabs | Hubert E. “Eyebrows” Perrywinkler |
| October 28, 2020 |
A Damn Good Case Of The Brownie Bonkers | Pleakley Pow Pow |
| October 28, 2020 |
Paparazzi Have A Foot Fetish | Common Observer |
| October 28, 2020 |
A New “Intellectual Property” | Aldous Humbleton |
| October 28, 2020 |
Sandcastle Sex Dolls Deemed Unhealthy | Tom Johnson |
| October 28, 2020 |
“Happy App” Bug Gone Wild | Tommy Potentuary |
| October 28, 2020 |
The Resilience Of Pastrami Man | Ludwig Andre Hogan |
| October 28, 2020 |
Title: Asian City Under Assault By The Times | By: Zulu Z. Zulu |
| October 28, 2020 |
A Plea For Help From The Planet Of Dearth | John Doe |
| October 28, 2020 |
How To Smoke Dandelions | Charleigh Clark |
| October 28, 2020 |
Task Tony Episode 1 | Tony Pepperoni |
| October 28, 2020 |
10 Essential Weasel Montgomery Jones Records | Flip Gilligan |
| September 23, 2020 |
Meet the denizens of my cyst, You Dirty Dog | The Inanimate Empathist |
| September 23, 2020 |
Exciting Performance At Exhibit to be Unveiled | Vivian Mauve |
| September 23, 2020 |
It Finally Came In The Mail | Louie Howden |
| September 23, 2020 |
Questions: Would you Rather? | Paul Krueger |
| September 23, 2020 |
Dear Jupiter: My Best Friend Froze Herself | Jupiter |
| September 23, 2020 |
Existential Dread Down the Drain | Dernberger Spengleton |
| August 16, 2020 |
WHERE DID PAST MATT HIDE MY CIGARETTES? | Future Matt |
| August 16, 2020 |
Alan Partridge Returns With Advice | Alan Partridge |
| August 16, 2020 |
Big Animal Planet or Big Animal Hoax | Cryptic Mark |
| July 29, 2020 |
Volcano Gods Demand Tribute | Grand Elder Edna |
| May 17, 2020 |
Bird Funeral, At Least You Know, A Public Notary | The Gulled One |
| May 17, 2020 |
Wife Dressed Up As Stray Anteater Surprised as Husband Shows Potential for Pet Care | Maaye Pujhol |
| May 12, 2020 |
Line Life: Health and Wellness using Lines | Theodore Munnely |
| May 7, 2020 |
Woman Uses Eyeballs as Toys | Common Observer |
| May 5, 2020 |
Let's Paint a Picture: Trout Fishing | Vivian Mauve |
| May 5, 2020 |
Blargo is Back | Billy Nodges |
| May 5, 2020 |
Conversations Overheard: Lobster Mac & Cheese | Phillis "Psychic Philip" Phillips |
| May 5, 2020 |
How "Toxic" By Britney Spears Saved Humankind From Destruction | Flip Gilligan |
| April 28, 2020 |
Attendence Required At Imagining Abundance Event | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 1, 2020 |
The Banjoman Stalks Amherst | Roberto Piccolo |
| March 1, 2020 |
“Pimp My Brain” Will Blow Your Mind | Tommy Potentuary |
| March 1, 2020 |
Pupil Stage Of Noise Moths Discovered | Hubert E. "Eyebrows" Perrywinkler |
| March 1, 2020 |
Dumpster Squids Migrate To Mud Puddles | A Concerned Citizen |
| March 1, 2020 |
Dear Jupiter: My Biological Father Is Abraham Lincoln | Jupiter |
| February 29, 2020 |
Rest In Peace With Ripper Linda | Ripper Linda |
| February 29, 2020 |
Book Review: Voldemort Goes To Hawaii | Professor Nutmeg |
| February 29, 2020 |
My First Line Training Experience | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 29, 2020 |
An Unsolved Case: Hand Disembodiment On The Charles | Tom Johnson |
| February 29, 2020 |
An Encounter With The Demon That Does Good | Vivian Mauve |
| February 29, 2020 |
Horror Film Critics Putting Masked Maniacs Out Of Work | Hockey Face |
| January 25, 2020 |
Demon that Does Good Visits Easthampton | Dernberger Spengleton |
| January 25, 2020 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| January 25, 2020 |
Squid Wrangling Methods | Dave Fingle |
| January 25, 2020 |
Flip Gilligan's Guide For Listening To "kid A" By Radiohead | Flip Gilligan |
| January 25, 2020 |
Man Who Habitully Covers Himself In Twigs At Ball Field Questioned | Vivian Mauve |
| January 25, 2020 |
60 More Star Wars Films Planned For Release By 2030 | Martin “Marty” Kovacs |
| January 25, 2020 |
Collective Cattle Consciousness Claps Carnivores | Aldus Humbleton |
| January 25, 2020 |
Two Friends Discuss The Nature Of Mind, Body, And Personal Identity | Cryptic Mark |
| January 25, 2020 |
Reality: An Inescapable Eternity, Or A Failed Century-long Experiment | Ezra Ryder |
| January 25, 2020 |
A Dream Is Simply A Wasted 8-hour Rest Cycle | Loomis Taunch |
| January 25, 2020 |
Account: Misinterpretation Of Signs | Bresson Frank |
| December 6, 2019 |
Community Classifieds | The Editors |
| December 6, 2019 |
Human Hair Salad: Is It Canabalism? | Derek Nussbaum |
| December 6, 2019 |
An Ancient Graveyard | Alan Partridge |
| December 6, 2019 |
The Operation Was A Success But The Patient Was Dead | The Crooked Spoke |
| December 6, 2019 |
Continued Last Journals Of Klip The Seagull | Graham Rapier |
| December 6, 2019 |
Learn To Lucid Dream | Cro Raka |
| December 6, 2019 |
Letter To The Editors: Black Moon | Gerald Yelle |
| December 6, 2019 |
PIA Defeated By The Reality Supremacists | Carl Mon |
| December 6, 2019 |
Designer Birth Control Not Safe | Tom Johnson |
| December 6, 2019 |
Collegian Did Not Start Newsbox Fires | Tom Johnson |
| December 6, 2019 |
Ball Players Disciplined | Sherry Wolverton |
| November 11, 2019 |
Weather Report | WeatherJ |
| November 11, 2019 |
Status of the Gord | The Gord's Keeper |
| November 2, 2019 |
Strange Entity In The Woods Out West Can Send You To A Peaceful Place But You Won’t Ever Return | V. Mauve |
| November 2, 2019 |
Shoe Communication For My Fellow Shyfolk! | ShyGuy |
| November 2, 2019 |
This Is About You | V. Mauve |
| November 2, 2019 |
I Almost Joined A Cult And Was Glad About It | V. Mauve and Sebastian Pingas |
| November 2, 2019 |
A Poem By Death Itself | Graham Rapier |
| November 2, 2019 |
Std Ray Gun Stolen | Ned Greebly |
| November 2, 2019 |
Television Host Ambivalent About His Job | Anonymous |
| November 2, 2019 |
How I Transitioned Into A New Form | Anew Nema |
| November 2, 2019 |
Tomlinson LLC Experiences Workplace Friction | BoobnBob |
| November 2, 2019 |
Droids Invade Love | Dr. Harold S. Pirog |
| November 2, 2019 |
Hypercube Confessions And The Future | Dernberger Spengleton |
| November 2, 2019 |
The Carousel Of Unending Happiness Vii | Ophelia Jones |
| November 2, 2019 |
Demand: Show Me The Face Of Wisdom | Hank T. Joseph |
| November 2, 2019 |
A Missive To The Editors Of The Surreal Times | Alan Partridge |
| October 5, 2019 |
Reality Supremacists Go Violent | Carl Mon |
| October 5, 2019 |
Partial Devastation, Questions Follow Maritime Disaster | Mad Christopher van Eyck, Sr |
| October 5, 2019 |
Jesus Reincarnated Before My Eyes | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 4, 2019 |
Intelligent Life Destroying Itself | Ferdinand Maxwell |
| October 4, 2019 |
DJ Gooba To Play at Alien Market | Tommy Potentuary |
| October 3, 2019 |
A Letter of Recruitment to a Novelty Prodigy | Theodore Munnely |
| October 3, 2019 |
The Conspiracy of The Crows | Rudy Raultz |
| September 26, 2019 |
Dear Jupiter: I Am Jealous of The Alternate-Reality Version of Myself | Jupiter |
| September 4, 2019 |
Emergent Artificial Intelligence Sends Cryptic Message | Carl Mon |
| September 4, 2019 |
Dear Jupiter: "I'm a Formless Ball of Light, and I don't want my boyfriend to know." | Jupiter |
| June 17, 2019 |
Alien Farmers Market in my Backyard | Charlie Tomquat |
| June 17, 2019 |
Ode to Lobotomies | Your Neighbor |
| June 17, 2019 |
On Underground Electricity Canals | Theodore Munnely |
| June 17, 2019 |
Blue Wall: Blown to Bits | Rio Calais |
| June 17, 2019 |
Chimp Joe Safe at Alien Commune | Ron Gutterston |
| June 17, 2019 |
Correspondence on Foreign Dreams | Alan Partridge |
| June 17, 2019 |
I've Lost My Jack of Hearts | The Streuufin-Hoffer Boy |
| June 17, 2019 |
Head of PIA Hotdogged | Carl Mon |
| June 17, 2019 |
Logs of Earl Bristol Goddard Published | The Purple Hermit |
| June 16, 2019 |
Account: Victim of Crows | Tom Johnson |
| June 16, 2019 |
Advanced Carnival Will Do Extraordinary Things | Fechy Honcon |
| May 22, 2019 |
The Novelty Manifesto | Eddie Octo |
| May 21, 2019 |
Ant Coordinator Resigns Post | Clarence Mon |
| May 21, 2019 |
A Note on Some People I Met During a Year Spent As Surreal Times Interesting Person Contact | Charleigh Clark |
| May 21, 2019 |
The Sunken Head Says Bye and Somni Says Hi | The Narrator |
| May 21, 2019 |
Group of Mistreated Plants Attack Herb Gardens, Flower Beds | The Purple Hermit |
| May 21, 2019 |
Grieving in the Wake of An Idiot Alien's Deportation | Ron Gutterston |
| May 21, 2019 |
Encounters of the Tweener Trinketeer Date Back to Early 70s | Melanie Richardson |
| May 21, 2019 |
Microscopic Seafarers Discovered at Puffer's Pond | Roberto Piccolo |
| May 21, 2019 |
She's in the Carousel of Unending Happiness Now | Your RingMaster |
| May 21, 2019 |
My Name is Mr. Terrible And I Just Like to Sneak Around | Mr. Terrible |
| May 16, 2019 |
The Vow of Loudness Must be Silenced | quiet mortimer |
| May 16, 2019 |
CALIFORNIA SOCK PUPPET MAN ESCAPES SECRET FACILITY | Sax Tuba |
| May 15, 2019 |
The Story of Time | Cryptic Mark |
| May 14, 2019 |
In Response to A Study In Cow Pelt And Citrus | The Inanimate Empathist |
| May 13, 2019 |
These Things Are Innocent | Eddy Cruise |
| May 13, 2019 |
The Mechanical Fellow Saves Us From The Noise Moths Crisis | Tommy Potentuary |
| April 20, 2019 |
Eddie: The Octopus Stings | Luap Killner |
| April 16, 2019 |
Have You Seen The Balloon With Teeth | Melanie Richardson |
| April 16, 2019 |
RCSC Distribution Begins | Tommy Potentuary |
| April 16, 2019 |
Woman Rashly Consumes Leg Seed | Anonymous |
| April 16, 2019 |
Man Grows Auxiliary Mind | Clarence Mon |
| April 16, 2019 |
Need For Charles: Darling Haunted in Cali | Hank T. Joseph |
| April 16, 2019 |
Perspective: Aquarius Is A Bitch | Anonymous Offspring |
| April 16, 2019 |
Spengleton's Partner Returns to Instigate a Novel Swap | Common Observer |
| April 16, 2019 |
An Account on The English Language | Linguist Er |
| April 16, 2019 |
Dorf Deported After Altercations With Serr-Vo and The Mechanical Fellow | Ron Gutterston |
| April 16, 2019 |
Account: The Mad Shark of The Monarchy | The Mad Shark |
| April 16, 2019 |
The Weight of The Job and Who it Weighs On | Graham Rapier |
| April 15, 2019 |
I Speak From Jail: Deluxe Papa is a Menace | George S. Halfly |
| April 12, 2019 |
Noise Moths Escape Dorm, Ravage Vocal Cords | William (Bill) Gumby |
| March 14, 2019 |
Man In Castle-About-Which-World-Rotates Cannot Break Out or Be Broken Out | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 14, 2019 |
A Study In Cow Pelt and Citrus | Eddy Cruise |
| March 14, 2019 |
&-Pose Trend Sweeping Nation's Youth | The Purple Hermit |
| March 14, 2019 |
Genius Offers Secrets | BoobnBob |
| March 14, 2019 |
Revamping Cruel and Unusual Punishment in The Hampshire County Jail | Common Observer |
| March 13, 2019 |
Account: I feed Myself to Myself | Hubert E. "Eyebrows" Perrywinkler |
| March 12, 2019 |
The Sunken Head Says "Hi" | Anonymous |
| March 12, 2019 |
Destroyer of Blimp Going to Jail | Tom Johnson |
| March 11, 2019 |
Profile: The Student Farm's Newest Caretaker | The Purple Hermit |
| February 26, 2019 |
The Fall of The Former Martian Ambassador | The Purple Hermit |
| February 24, 2019 |
Minor Scrapes, Tears, In Aftermath of High Rise Collapse | Mad Christopher van Eyck, Sr |
| February 22, 2019 |
Local Student Finally Escapes Infinitely Looping Hallway, Angry He Missed Winter Break | Sax Tuba |
| February 21, 2019 |
A Secret Feast in Argentina | Cro Raka |
| February 21, 2019 |
Knocking for Dreams | Somoni Endadid |
| February 19, 2019 |
Obituary: The Last Pale Duck | The Editors |
| February 19, 2019 |
Obituary: Agatha Pendleton | The Pendleton Family |
| February 18, 2019 |
Man In The Castle-About-Which-The-World-Rotates Is Disappointed | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 18, 2019 |
Humpty: Retold And Reborn | Anonymous |
| February 17, 2019 |
y2k38 Is Not Just Another y2k | Kurt Bonzo |
| January 28, 2019 |
Linda Peterson Freed: How Will She Redeem Herself? | Dr. Linda Peterson |
| January 24, 2019 |
Castle About Which World Rotates: dweller unsatisfied, unable to paint or escape | Dernberger Spengleton |
| January 23, 2019 |
Chimp Joe Leaves Jail Under Care of Lover | Clarence Mon |
| January 13, 2019 |
Psychoactive Noise Moths Do Not Affect Humans | Whaler S. Fishpole |
| January 9, 2019 |
Join Our Cause | The Editors |
| January 9, 2019 |
Pleasant Surprises Rise From The Roads of New York City | Dernberger Spengleton |
| January 9, 2019 |
We Have Been Given Quandaries | Tevobet Nope |
| January 9, 2019 |
Tabletalk Cries | Tommy Origami |
| January 8, 2019 |
Man Boasts Castle About Which World Rotates | “The oracle to which the world delivers its specimens” |
| January 2, 2019 |
"Carousel of Unending Happiness" Coming This Spring | Advertisement |
| January 2, 2019 |
Mullen: "You'll Get What You Want" | Hubert E. "Eyebrows" Perrywinkler |
| December 30, 2018 |
Chimp Joe Found in Midst of Noise Moth Binge | Tom Johnson |
| December 19, 2018 |
"Beware The Tabun Needle" | Saul Smalls, with the help of an editor surviving the same illness |
| December 19, 2018 |
Kid Cuppino to Play Amherst | Roberto Piccolo |
| December 18, 2018 |
The Great Terrifier Returns to Campus | Cecelia Ceiling-Sealant |
| December 16, 2018 |
"Force-field" Surrounds Isenberg Campus | The Purple Hermit |
| December 16, 2018 |
Sinners in The Hands of A Fake Sun | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| December 13, 2018 |
Hair Anywhere Graffiti Grows Back When Cut | Joe Tellie |
| November 30, 2018 |
Profile: The 'Overseer' Speaks Out On Isenberg Incident | The Purple Hermit |
| November 27, 2018 |
Hair Graffiti Growing Wildly | Joe Tellie |
| November 26, 2018 |
Recipe for Alphabet Soup | The Editors |
| November 26, 2018 |
Honors College Begins Mushroom Operation On Finely-Shredded Hopes and Dreams | The Purple Hermit |
| November 16, 2018 |
Obituary: The Gulled One Has Pecked the Bucket | The Editors |
| November 15, 2018 |
The Pentagon Loses Edge, Becomes Square | Dr. Oxford |
| November 14, 2018 |
Wanted: Time Machine | "Lucky" Pete Sanchez |
| November 13, 2018 |
"Cigarette Jousting" -- A Danger To Our Youth | Rebecca Winston |
| November 5, 2018 |
Riddles By Eyebrows | Hubert E. "Eyebrows" Perrywinkler |
| October 28, 2018 |
Truck Breeding Season Returns After 100 Year Absence | Clarence Mon |
| October 28, 2018 |
Words Discover How To Make Love | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 28, 2018 |
I Hereby Endorse Whorf's Cactus Balm | Peter “Mini-P” Petrinksi |
| October 28, 2018 |
Whorf's Cactus Balm: A Cure For Degeneracy | Emmanuel E. Whorf |
| October 25, 2018 |
A New Stage of The Problem of The Upper Half Of The Man Cut into Two By A Window | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 24, 2018 |
Hoards of Stolen Personal Diaries Found in Tent in Forest | Clarence Mon |
| October 23, 2018 |
Ode to Seagulls | Carët “Egg” Ozoné |
| October 20, 2018 |
Scale Replica of Amherst Discovered Miles Under Amherst | The Purple Hermit |
| October 15, 2018 |
I Did Not Give The Surreal Five The Thirteen-Second Frequency | Juan Ramirez |
| October 11, 2018 |
A Facebook Status From Pavlo Polertski | The Editors |
| October 9, 2018 |
We Are Not Kings After All | The Purple Hermit |
| October 9, 2018 |
The Martians Are Here, and it is Glorious | The Purple Hermit |
| October 7, 2018 |
Dodge Responsibilites with New Disassociex©! | Advertisement |
| October 5, 2018 |
Man Shows Vulnerability, Successfully Apprehended | Aleister Frost |
| October 5, 2018 |
Florida Parents Acquire Vending Machine to Feed Children | Dernberger Spengleton |
| October 4, 2018 |
New Research Out of The University of Dortmund | The Editors |
| October 4, 2018 |
Beloved Surreal Times Reporter Zulu Z. Zulu Wanted Dead or Alive | Giles Squin |
| October 3, 2018 |
His Name Is Mr. Terrible and He Just Likes to Sneak Around | Ron Gutterston |
| September 29, 2018 |
Who Exposed the Surreal Five to H-33? | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| September 27, 2018 |
Professor Ramirez Reemerges | Peter “Mini-P” Petrinski |
| September 26, 2018 |
Become Rich and Satisfied By Living at One With Nature | Tommy Potentuary |
| September 19, 2018 |
The Surreal Five Speak Out: “Our Brains Are Surreal Now And We Like It That Way.” | The Editors |
| August 30, 2018 |
The Spot Director Kerm Fergus Goes Missing | Steve Hackwood |
| August 8, 2018 |
The Mechanical Fellow Should Be An Honorary Organism | Peter “Mini-P” Petrinksi |
| August 8, 2018 |
Special Report: The Mechanical Fellow | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| August 5, 2018 |
AN ACCOUNT OF: A MAN CUT IN TWO BY A WINDOW | Dernberger Spengleton |
| August 2, 2018 |
Hope of Interplanetary Cordiality Extinguished | Ron Gutterston |
| July 31, 2018 |
Realm of Ideas Collapses Momentarily, Conveys Particular Idea | Alfred Humbleton |
| July 30, 2018 |
April 29th Special Broadcast | Times Staff |
| July 29, 2018 |
Chimpanzee Joe: "This is Your Second Warning" | Chimpanzee Joe |
| July 21, 2018 |
Escaped Roosters Wreak Havoc Downtown | Tom Johnson |
| July 11, 2018 |
Baron of Bullets: I Have The Ultimate Weapon | Marcus Van Door |
| July 1, 2018 |
Fighting Creatures Are Not Terrestrial | Alfred Humbleton |
| July 1, 2018 |
Cockfighting Bust in Northampton | Tom Johnson |
| June 19, 2018 |
Union of the Clouds Zilches Borders | Clarence Mon |
| June 6, 2018 |
Science Fair Invention Makes Relationships a Dream | Tommy Potentuary |
| May 30, 2018 |
Sandwich Store Snips Ribbon | Tommy Potentuary |
| May 30, 2018 |
Internship Position Opens | Management |
| May 30, 2018 |
Realm Of Ideas Narrows | Alfred Humbleton |
| May 30, 2018 |
A Recording Of The Ranting Of The Hermenaut | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| May 30, 2018 |
Notorious Chief Of Agnatroptes Witnessed Serving Sun | Dernberger Spengleton |
| May 30, 2018 |
Silence That Pretentious Octopus | Chimpanzee Joe |
| April 21, 2018 |
Special Report: On Recent Developments in Hermitude | The Editors |
| April 20, 2018 |
Craigslist Post Appears Offering Bicycle Day Deal | Common Observer |
| April 19, 2018 |
Fountain Of Youth Located | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| April 19, 2018 |
An Update From Inside The Old Chapel Dome | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
| April 19, 2018 |
Sightings Of Doppelgangers In The South | Cro Raka |
| April 19, 2018 |
Hotline Hotline Goes Offline Indefinitely | Tommy Potentuary |
| April 19, 2018 |
Dj Hawk Radio Passes Along | Dernberger Spengleton |
| April 19, 2018 |
Elderly Man Carves Crop Circles For Charity | Common Observer |
| April 19, 2018 |
The Hermenaut Blasts Himself Into Orbit | Roberto Piccolo |
| April 19, 2018 |
Vow: I Will Blast Myself Into Orbit To Deride The Hermenaut | Chimpanzee Joe |
| April 19, 2018 |
Vow: I Will Drown Out The Chimp's Taunts With My Howl | The Arkansas Howler |
| April 19, 2018 |
Dr. Evans Vows To Be Ultimate Hermit, Descends In Sea | Moe “Tiny” Schlemiel |
| April 19, 2018 |
My Brush With Hermitude | The Arkansas Howler |
| April 13, 2018 |
THE DEATH OF SURREALITY: PART THREE | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| March 15, 2018 |
Malicious Koi Robs World of Nwidvee | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 15, 2018 |
Strange Turn of Events Leads Writer to Symbioticism | Dernberger Spengleton |
| March 15, 2018 |
Letter to The Editor | Joseph Altmann |
| March 15, 2018 |
The Balloon: Part 2 | Old Souls Anonymous |
| March 11, 2018 |
Head of Atonal Music Appreciation Club Silently Outed | Common Observer |
| March 3, 2018 |
THE DEATH OF SURREALITY: PART TWO OF THREE | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| February 25, 2018 |
Mail Truck Crash, Strong Impression on Witnesses | Patty Geortenhul |
| February 25, 2018 |
The Story of Timothy The Round Uncovered | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 25, 2018 |
Burgowittz Resigns | The Editors |
| February 25, 2018 |
The Balloon: Humpty-Dumpty Retold, P1 | Old Souls Anonymous |
| February 25, 2018 |
Hampshire County Jail & House of Corrections Re-Opens | Common Observer |
| February 24, 2018 |
P.S.A. Regarding Meteor Impacts | Jonothan Woodruff |
| February 20, 2018 |
SURREALITY EXTINGUISHED WORLDWIDE: MYSTERIOUS “SKY-STAIRWAY” VANISHES | Roberto Piccolo |
| February 20, 2018 |
Interesting Trend Spreads Across South America | Cro Raka |
| February 14, 2018 |
THE DEATH OF SURREALITY: PART ONE OF THREE | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| February 8, 2018 |
Anonymous Tape Left At Journalist's Home | The Editors |
| February 2, 2018 |
THE SURREAL TIMES SURREAL STORY COMPETITION BEGINS | Dr. Dan Nibbler |
| January 17, 2018 |
The State | ~? |
| January 17, 2018 |
The Princess Presents: Rope Arms ^Goliath | Common Observer |
| January 16, 2018 |
MONSTROSITY APPROACHING | Clarence Mon |
| January 11, 2018 |
Dennis Horizontal Hands' Inaugural Column | Dennis Horizontal Hands |
| December 25, 2017 |
Ant Pursues Fountain of Youth | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| December 25, 2017 |
The Fun Is Over Early This Year | Dernberger Spengleton |
| December 23, 2017 |
A PICKLE TO THE PREFRONTAL | Wes Sizemore |
| December 23, 2017 |
A Call to Writers | The Editors |
| December 16, 2017 |
A Trail of Ashes | J.D. |
| December 12, 2017 |
Howler Howls His Last | Joe Kierlskegrienger |
| December 4, 2017 |
A Peculiar Chase of Mutts and Bolts | J.D. |
| December 4, 2017 |
Untastefully Yours Probably & The ARG | Dernberger Spengleton |
| November 30, 2017 |
Off-campus Apartment Evicts Tenants | Wes Sizemore |
| November 28, 2017 |
Has The Truth Behind The Surreal Engine Been Revealed? | Anonymous |
| November 23, 2017 |
William Blanket Found Guilty of Existential Malpractice | J.D. |
| November 16, 2017 |
At The Foot of The Altar | Doctor Goldstein |
| November 2, 2017 |
Local Boy Falls Into iPhone, Loses Thumb | J.D. |
| October 27, 2017 |
My Search For Enlightenment in these Forsaken Times | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
| October 15, 2017 |
UMass Football Goes Gorillas | Wes Sizemore |
| October 3, 2017 |
Call For Writers | The Editors |
| September 25, 2017 |
The Schizo Report | The Voices |
| September 23, 2017 |
More News on the Infamous Criminal Mad Harry | Cro Raka |
| September 4, 2017 |
Sermon #4 - Our Great Final Neglect | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
| August 10, 2017 |
Hungry Parakeet Scandal | Common Observer |
| August 4, 2017 |
The Eclipse and A Call To Action | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
| August 4, 2017 |
Call to action for the second coming | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
| July 27, 2017 |
U.S. Scientists Edit Embryo DNA | Professor Burgowittz |
| April 26, 2017 |
A Visit From The Bird | Cro Raka |
| April 10, 2017 |
Large Idea Rotisserie Halts, The Unlegged Rise, The Sun Continues to Shine | Alfred Humbleton |
| April 1, 2017 |
Anarchy Among Our Youth! | Clarence Mon |
| March 31, 2017 |
Letter to Charles Darwin the 11th | Hank T. Joseph |
| March 21, 2017 |
The Zebra Convention Unfolds | Armadeius Galouei |
| March 8, 2017 |
Three Generalizations | Chuulepher "Future Mann" Erp-mangus IV |
| March 6, 2017 |
A closer look at Headly, an employee at franklin dining commons | Ron Gutterston |
| March 6, 2017 |
Police Kidnapping Maybe Solved | Richard Jenkins |
| March 3, 2017 |
Local Investigation That May Be of Interest to The Concerned Citizen | Cro Raka |
| March 2, 2017 |
Tsunami Hits Western Mass | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 24, 2017 |
Dr. John and Charles Neville to bring New Orleans to Northampton | Doctor Goldstein |
| February 2, 2017 |
The Man in the Nest | Doctor Goldstein |
| February 2, 2017 |
A look at the creature of North Amherst | Ron Gutterston |
| February 2, 2017 |
Board of selectmen vote down dinosaur proposal | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 2, 2017 |
A Negative Event | Chett Vildermesh |
| February 1, 2017 |
NERB SPEAKS | Common Observer |
| February 1, 2017 |
A Most Bizarre Questionnaire | Zulu Z. Zulu |
| February 1, 2017 |
A peculiar occurence | Dernberger Spengleton |
| February 1, 2017 |
Ride The Wave of Humble Digs | Doctor Goldstein |
| February 1, 2017 |
Kind soul does what he can | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
| February 1, 2017 |
OPEN QUESTIONS REGARDING THE DYNAMICS OF BALLOONS | Professor Burgowittz |
| February 1, 2017 |
AN UPDATE ON SOUTH WORCESTER | Clarence Mon |
| February 1, 2017 |
Letter to the editor | Emanuel Gumft |
| February 1, 2017 |
Write-in Poem: Josh's Butt | Purple Buffalo |
| February 1, 2017 |
Letter of the editor | Reverend Garland Hobbes |
| January 31, 2017 |
An Explanation | Doctor Goldstein |
| January 31, 2017 |
A peculiar occurence | Dernberger Spengleton |
| January 31, 2017 |
IMPORTANT ARCHEOLOGICAL DISCOVERY | Professor Burgowittz |
| January 31, 2017 |
ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE RECRUITMENT OF NEW WRITERS | The Editors |